Missing Treats

Me: What’s Dave doing in the activity field?

Nell: David is carrying out some General Investigations.

Me: Looking for Missed Treats?

Nell: Probably. Now, you’re not going to believe this.

Me: I just might.

Nell: My friend Dorothy says the Pointer Sisters bumped into the Maine Coons in the chilled food section at Barks and Spencer.

Me: Did they hurt themselves?

Nell: Not literally. Good grief.

Me: I see, what happened?

Nell: They were buying sandwiches.

Me: What kind?

Nell: Smoked salmon.

Me: Good decision.

Nell: And sausage rolls.

Me: Surprising choice for a cat.

Nell: That’s not the surprising part.

Me: What is?

Nell: The Maine Coons were talking about David.

Me: My darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy?

Nell: Yes. In a complimentary but rather predatory way.

Me: Well, that’s good to hear. Apart from the predatory bit which is a little worrying.

Nell: They were saying what a handsome hound he is.

Me: Unusual praise from a cat.

Nell: Quite.

Me: Apart from The Cat of course, who is Dave’s biggest fan.

Nell: They were also licking their lips.

Me: I don’t like the sound of that.

Nell: And purring.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: And winding their tails around the shopping trolley.

Me: Gosh.

Nell: In a lascivious sort of way.

Me: Can you wind your tail in a lascivious way?

Nell: Maine Coons can.

Me: Do you think they want Dave back?

Nell: I do.

Me: Well, they’re not having him. There’s absolutely no way he would ever even consider it.

Nell: Except the sandwiches they bought weren’t only smoked salmon.

Me: Are we talking bacon here?

Nell: I’m afraid so.

Me: Wait. Dave is searching for Missed Treats in the activity field.

Nell: You’d better stop talking then and get him back now.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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