Me: What’s Dave doing in the activity field?
Nell: David is carrying out some General Investigations.
Me: Looking for Missed Treats?
Nell: Probably. Now, you’re not going to believe this.
Me: I just might.
Nell: My friend Dorothy says the Pointer Sisters bumped into the Maine Coons in the chilled food section at Barks and Spencer.
Me: Did they hurt themselves?
Nell: Not literally. Good grief.
Me: I see, what happened?
Nell: They were buying sandwiches.
Me: What kind?
Nell: Smoked salmon.
Me: Good decision.
Nell: And sausage rolls.
Me: Surprising choice for a cat.
Nell: That’s not the surprising part.
Me: What is?
Nell: The Maine Coons were talking about David.
Me: My darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy?
Nell: Yes. In a complimentary but rather predatory way.
Me: Well, that’s good to hear. Apart from the predatory bit which is a little worrying.
Nell: They were saying what a handsome hound he is.
Me: Unusual praise from a cat.
Nell: Quite.
Me: Apart from The Cat of course, who is Dave’s biggest fan.
Nell: They were also licking their lips.
Me: I don’t like the sound of that.
Nell: And purring.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: And winding their tails around the shopping trolley.
Me: Gosh.
Nell: In a lascivious sort of way.
Me: Can you wind your tail in a lascivious way?
Nell: Maine Coons can.
Me: Do you think they want Dave back?
Nell: I do.
Me: Well, they’re not having him. There’s absolutely no way he would ever even consider it.
Nell: Except the sandwiches they bought weren’t only smoked salmon.
Me: Are we talking bacon here?
Nell: I’m afraid so.
Me: Wait. Dave is searching for Missed Treats in the activity field.
Nell: You’d better stop talking then and get him back now.
Me: Yes. Sorry.
