Scotch eggs don’t have eyes

Me: You’re very beautiful, Nell. Have I told you that before?

Nell: You might have done.

Me: I could stare into your eyes for hours.

Nell: Please don’t.

Me: Talking of staring into eyes, I had an interesting thought about the scotch eggs.

Nell: Here we go. I know I’m going to regret asking this, but what have scotch eggs got to do with staring into eyes?

Me: Do you think there might be a bit of hypnotism going on again?

Nell: You don’t seriously believe Kev has been hypnotised by a scotch egg, do you?

Me: No. That would be silly.

Nell: Good, because that’s far fetched even for you.

Me: Scotch eggs can’t talk and they don’t have eyes.

Nell: So, what are you talking about?

Me: It just reminds me of when everyone started talking Swedish and you were nice.

Nell: I’m always nice.

Me: You aren’t, Nell. Don’t you remember? You called me ‘my dear’, or something similar, and you agreed with me. It was scary.

Nell: Well, I’m not agreeing with you now.

Me: Where are the scotch eggs coming from?

Nell: Barks and Spencer.

Me: Who is delivering them?

Nell: I don’t know. They just appear. My friend Dorothy found one in the fruit bowl.

Me: How odd.

Nell: Yes. She thought it was a kiwi at first.

Me: I don’t think New Zealanders are allowed to travel yet.

Nell: I was talking about the fruit. And actually New Zealand is about to open its borders again.

Me: Really?

Nell: Anyway, if it is hypnotism it doesn’t last very long. David had a bacon sandwich for breakfast and gave his kipper to Malcolm.

Me: What a generous Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: And Kev hasn’t laughed like a seagull for days.

Me: True. Sorry.

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