Me: Do you know if the puppies have been drinking espresso?
Nell: Here we go. Why?
Me: It’s just that I was taking a photo of Poppy looking after Kev on the yellow chair.
Nell: And?
Me: And come to think of it, Poppy was remarkably chilled. Not her usual wild self at all. Sort of serene and Siamese.
Nell: Siamese? She’s not a cat.
Me: No, but she was all delicate paws and aloofness.
Nell: Poppy is on duty today. She has to be serene. She knows Kev needs quiet.
Me: Oh, well she definitely hadn’t been on the espresso.
Nell: What about the puppies?
Me: The next thing I knew, Harriet rushed in and jumped up on the sofa with a fierce growl.
Nell: That’s not like Harriet at all.
Me: Followed by Dave who sat down in a nonchalant way with a huge carrot hanging out of his mouth like a Cuban cigar.
Nell: Are you sure you haven’t been drinking espresso?
Me: No. It’s peppermint tea for me in the morning.
Nell: David is allowed a carrot now and again.
Me: This one was really huge, Nell. He could almost have used it to play cricket with the llamas.
Nell: I beg your pardon?
Me: In fact it probably wouldn’t have splattered the scotch egg like their bats are.
Nell: What has a scotch egg got to do with cricket?
Me: Gladys is using scotch eggs instead of a ball.
Nell: Why on earth would she do that?
Me: She says it really helps the llamas to focus on their fielding.
Nell: I’ve heard everything now.
Me: If they catch it they can eat it.
Nell: Would you bring me a cup of Earl Grey and a cold flannel please? My head hurts.
Me: Yes. Sorry.
