A Guilty Nose

Me: Why is Dave lying in the doorway?

Nell: Poppy has banished him from the kitchen.

Me: He hasn’t stolen a bacon sandwich, has he?

Nell: No. Bacon was not involved.

Me: Whatever he’s done it will be a mistake. My darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy is not a criminal.

Nell: David has a Guilty Nose.

Me: A Guilty Nose?

Nell: Yes. Everyone knows that Poppy will not allow a Guilty Nose in her kitchen.

Me: What is a Guilty Nose?

Nell: Notice the staining.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Quite.

Me: It looks like mud to me.

Nell: Yes. Digging probably took place.

Me: Maybe he was working in the garden, or playing a game with Henry and Horst.

Nell: David was seen by the plant pots.

Me: Was he near my lavender again?

Nell: A witness reported snuffling near the hedge.

Me: Well, that witness is a proper busybody if you ask me.

Nell: Nobody did.

Me: All he was doing was smelling the lavender. That’s not a crime.

Nell: Mud was found on the ground.

Me: I don’t think it’s fair to banish someone for over enthusiasm.

Nell: If you’re going to snuffle a plant pot then the least you can do is wipe your nose. Especially before entering the kitchen.

Me: I suppose so.

Nell: Poppy has standards to maintain.

Me: Yes, she does.

Nell: She can’t risk her reputation.

Me: How was Dave supposed to wipe his nose?

Nell: With a handkerchief, of course. What a question.

Me: I thought you were going to say grass.

Nell: Grass? Do you wipe your nose on grass?

Me: No.

Nell: Well then.

Me: But what if he doesn’t have a handkerchief?

Nell: Then he asks for one. There are plenty in the drawer you know.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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