Oh Mandy

Nell: If you could stop taking photos of Harriet, please, I need a word.

Me: We’re playing Cheeky Animal.

Nell: Well, stop.

Me: But I just caught her.

Nell: We have other far more urgent matters to deal with than that.

Me: Like what?

Nell: I’m afraid we have offended PC Panda.

Me: What have we done? Run out of scones?

Nell: No. His name isn’t Amanda.

Me: I did wonder.

Nell: It’s Armando.

Me: Oh dear. But you said it was Amanda, Nell.

Nell: I know. It’s an easy mistake to make. They sound the same.

Me: But we’ve been calling him Amanda for months. What happened?

Nell: He introduced himself to Babycakes Gillespie as Armando and then Babycakes told him.

Me: Oh no. What did he say?

Nell: ‘I gotta tell you, The Martins all call you Amanda. I thought it was a strange first name for a guy. Can I call you Mandy?’

Me: That was an awfully good American accent, Nell.

Nell: That’s not the point. PC Panda will be furious with us.

Me: Mandy is much better than Amanda. Mandy Patinkin is a great actor. Have you seen The Princess Bride’?

Nell: Will you stop? I have invited PC Panda over here to explain and we all need to be there.

Me: You haven’t invited Babycakes, have you?

Nell: No, definitely not.

Me: Or the Welsh corgi choir?

Nell: No.

Me: What about the Whippets Institute?

Nell: Why on earth would they be involved?

Me: They’ve just arrived in their minibus.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: And they’re carrying a banner saying ‘Sorry Mandy’.

Nell: Can this get any worse?

Me: Possibly. The Welsh corgi choir have started singing ‘Mandy’ and Gladys is performing a contemporary dance.

Nell: I need a lie down.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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