Nell: Please tell me you’re not going downstairs dressed like that?
Me: Like what?
Nell: Sloppy track suit bottoms and an old t-shirt.
Me: I’m dressed for comfort, Nell. You know I write in the mornings.
Nell: Put a nice dress on. Brush your hair.
Me: I just want a cup of coffee.
Nell: You can have one when you’ve changed.
Me: Is that Gladys wearing a sequinned jumpsuit?
Nell: Yes. It’s over the top but at least she’s making an effort. Unlike some.
Me: The Welsh corgi choir are lining up on the hill.
Nell: I told them not to come but they wanted to show their support.
Me: Support for what?
Nell: David’s new column.
Me: New column?
Nell: Yes. ‘Dear Dave.’
Me: ‘Dear Dave?’
Nell: Stop repeating everything. David is the Daily Growl’s new agony uncle.
Nell: It used to be a curly haired poodle but he was becoming rather jaded so they dropped him.
Me: But Dave’s only just started his Caring career. Is he ready for this?
Nell: The Daily Growl approached him yesterday and he agreed.
Nell: People are looking for comfort and reassurance at this difficult time and David can provide it.
Me: Are you his agent?
Nell: Of course. Now, a photographer is arriving shortly to do the publicity shots so we all need to look presentable.
Me: The larger animals are all wearing sombreros.
Nell: That was Alejandro’s idea.
Me: The choir is singing ‘Guantanamera’.
Nell: Please tell me the llamas aren’t dancing.
Me: Only with each other.
Nell: Good grief.
Me: Why is Dave wearing glasses?
Nell: Just for show. They’re my reading glasses.
Me: I didn’t know you needed glasses.
Nell: I’ve been wearing them for years. Sherlock Martin strikes again.
Me: Yes. Sorry.