Dear Dave

Nell: Please tell me you’re not going downstairs dressed like that?

Me: Like what?

Nell: Sloppy track suit bottoms and an old t-shirt.

Me: I’m dressed for comfort, Nell. You know I write in the mornings.

Nell: Put a nice dress on. Brush your hair.

Me: I just want a cup of coffee.

Nell: You can have one when you’ve changed.

Me: Is that Gladys wearing a sequinned jumpsuit?

Nell: Yes. It’s over the top but at least she’s making an effort. Unlike some.

Me: The Welsh corgi choir are lining up on the hill.

Nell: I told them not to come but they wanted to show their support.

Me: Support for what?

Nell: David’s new column.

Me: New column?

Nell: Yes. ‘Dear Dave.’

Me: ‘Dear Dave?’

Nell: Stop repeating everything. David is the Daily Growl’s new agony uncle.

Me: Really?

Nell: It used to be a curly haired poodle but he was becoming rather jaded so they dropped him.

Me: But Dave’s only just started his Caring career. Is he ready for this?

Nell: The Daily Growl approached him yesterday and he agreed.

Me: Gosh.

Nell: People are looking for comfort and reassurance at this difficult time and David can provide it.

Me: Are you his agent?

Nell: Of course. Now, a photographer is arriving shortly to do the publicity shots so we all need to look presentable.

Me: The larger animals are all wearing sombreros.

Nell: That was Alejandro’s idea.

Me: The choir is singing ‘Guantanamera’.

Nell: Please tell me the llamas aren’t dancing.

Me: Only with each other.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: Why is Dave wearing glasses?

Nell: Just for show. They’re my reading glasses.

Me: I didn’t know you needed glasses.

Nell: I’ve been wearing them for years. Sherlock Martin strikes again.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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