Me: You two look so sweet together. I was going to come over but Poppy’s giving me one of her hard stares.
Nell: She’s not in the best of moods. In fact I should warn you that somewhere in this basket she has concealed her sword.
Me: What have I done?
Nell: It’s got nothing to do with you.
Me: Surely it’s not the puppies? They’re ever so sorry for barging her yesterday.
Nell: No. It’s John the Doberman.
Me: Poppy’s fiancé?
Nell: Of course. I know Dobermans usually travel in twos but I haven’t seen any others recently.
Me: Actually, I haven’t seen John in a while.
Me: What’s happened?
Nell: According to the cows and my friend Pamela..
Me: The large Pyrenean Mountain Dog?
Nell: Less of the large, please. No need to be sizeist.
Nell: Where was I?
Me: Listening to gossip.
Nell: Do you want to know, or not?
Nell: According to Pamela, and confirmed by the cows, John was seen enjoying a shop bought scone with a flamboyant feline down at the quay.
Me: Has Starbarks reopened then?
Nell: That’s not the point. There’s more.
Me: Surely not.
Nell: John was wearing a velvet jacket.
Me: That’s not like John at all. Knitwear Wolf can carry it off but John’s more of a t shirt and shorts type.
Nell: Poppy is understandably furious.
Me: I don’t think that’s entirely fair of her. If John wants to dress up now and again in inappropriately warm formal wear then it’s up to him.
Nell: It’s not the jacket.
Me: Well, the feline is obviously Zsa Zsa The Paw. She’s probably just trying to drum up business.
Nell: It’s the shop bought scone. It’s a step too far.
Me: Of course. Sorry.