A step too far

Me: You two look so sweet together. I was going to come over but Poppy’s giving me one of her hard stares.

Nell: She’s not in the best of moods. In fact I should warn you that somewhere in this basket she has concealed her sword.

Me: What have I done?

Nell: It’s got nothing to do with you.

Me: Surely it’s not the puppies? They’re ever so sorry for barging her yesterday.

Nell: No. It’s John the Doberman.

Me: Poppy’s fiancĂ©?

Nell: Of course. I know Dobermans usually travel in twos but I haven’t seen any others recently.

Me: Actually, I haven’t seen John in a while.

Nell: Exactly.

Me: What’s happened?

Nell: According to the cows and my friend Pamela..

Me: The large Pyrenean Mountain Dog?

Nell: Less of the large, please. No need to be sizeist.

Me: Apologies.

Nell: Where was I?

Me: Listening to gossip.

Nell: Do you want to know, or not?

Me: Yes.

Nell: According to Pamela, and confirmed by the cows, John was seen enjoying a shop bought scone with a flamboyant feline down at the quay.

Me: Has Starbarks reopened then?

Nell: That’s not the point. There’s more.

Me: Surely not.

Nell: John was wearing a velvet jacket.

Me: That’s not like John at all. Knitwear Wolf can carry it off but John’s more of a t shirt and shorts type.

Nell: Poppy is understandably furious.

Me: I don’t think that’s entirely fair of her. If John wants to dress up now and again in inappropriately warm formal wear then it’s up to him.

Nell: It’s not the jacket.

Me: Well, the feline is obviously Zsa Zsa The Paw. She’s probably just trying to drum up business.

Nell: It’s the shop bought scone. It’s a step too far.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

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