Me: What a beautiful sunny day. Look at our darling Harriet.
Nell: Yes. The puppies are allowed sun lounger time first thing in the morning and late afternoon but definitely not at midday.
Me: Understood.
Nell: Bowls of fresh cool water will be made available to all animals throughout the house and there is the distinct possibility of ice cream later.
Me: Sounds good to me.
Nell: Swimming classes with Princess will resume at 3pm for the smaller animals and 5pm for the larger ones.
Me: What about the middle sized ones?
Nell: 4pm of course. Do keep up.
Me: What if you’re not sure of your size?
Nell: I beg your pardon?
Me: Well, Dave thinks he’s smaller than he really is and Poppy definitely thinks she’s bigger.
Nell: Uncertain Animals will be measured by The Cat.
Me: I’m definitely not an Uncertain Animal then. I don’t want to be measured.
Nell: Yes. The Cat is most unforgiving with its tape measure. Shouting it out to all and sundry like a town crier.
Me: Dreadful.
Nell: It accused me of having a barrel chest.
Me: All Labradors do, don’t they? It can make you look bigger than you are. Dave’s chest is enormous.
Nell: David clearly belongs with the larger animals. He stepped over a visiting pony the other day.
Me: It was a Shetland pony, Nell. To be fair. They are very small.
Nell: If John the Doberman arrives he is most definitely not welcome. Poppy’s orders.
Me: I think he can swim already.
Nell: No. Not for swimming class. He wants to see Poppy. She’s refusing to answer his calls.
Me: He might be innocent, Nell.
Nell: A velvet jacket and a shop bought scone have guilt written all over them.
Me: You might be right. Sorry.
