Me: My Big Brave Beautiful Boy seems very thoughtful today. Are we running low on bacon?

Nell: No. Rupert organised a delivery from the Farm Shop.

Me: What’s wrong then?

Nell: David has Concerns.

Me: Is it because he can’t be an Old Gaffer? Only I’m sure Tony would let him join in now and again.

Nell: No.

Me: It must be Sally then. Long distance relationships are always difficult.

Nell: It’s not that either. Although, I do wish Sally lived nearer.

Me: Is it his weight? I know you and Harriet have to lose a few pounds but he’s in excellent shape.

Nell: Would you kindly refrain from discussing my weight please?

Me: I’m on a diet, too, Nell. It’s hard for us older ladies. As for the grey lockdown hair.

Nell: I’ve told you before, your greying hair should be worn as a badge of honour.

Me: Yes, I noticed you have quite a grey tummy now.

Nell: That’s quite enough. My tummy is not up for discussion.

Me: Apologies.

Nell: If you must know David is concerned about Benjamin.

Me: Why?

Nell: According to the cows, the Beefies are planning to take him back to Beefy HQ.

Me: Oh no.

Nell: A large group of Beefies in baseball caps were flying around the garden this morning shouting ‘Ben! Ben!’ and throwing mackerel.

Me: I bet Princess was pleased. Who’s Ben?

Nell: Benjamin, of course. You know how Beefies tend to abbreviate. Malcolm is Malc, Timothy is Tim and Our Penguin is O.P.

Me: Really?

Nell: Gladys is fine with Glads and Alejandro loves Al but Harriet hates Hattie.

Me: Well, fortunately Dave is Dave.

Nell: No. Dave is David, if you don’t mind.

Me: I bet they call you Nells.

Nell: They wouldn’t dare.

Me: No. Sorry.

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