Me: My Big Brave Beautiful Boy seems very thoughtful today. Are we running low on bacon?
Nell: No. Rupert organised a delivery from the Farm Shop.
Me: What’s wrong then?
Nell: David has Concerns.
Me: Is it because he can’t be an Old Gaffer? Only I’m sure Tony would let him join in now and again.
Me: It must be Sally then. Long distance relationships are always difficult.
Nell: It’s not that either. Although, I do wish Sally lived nearer.
Me: Is it his weight? I know you and Harriet have to lose a few pounds but he’s in excellent shape.
Nell: Would you kindly refrain from discussing my weight please?
Me: I’m on a diet, too, Nell. It’s hard for us older ladies. As for the grey lockdown hair.
Nell: I’ve told you before, your greying hair should be worn as a badge of honour.
Me: Yes, I noticed you have quite a grey tummy now.
Nell: That’s quite enough. My tummy is not up for discussion.
Nell: If you must know David is concerned about Benjamin.
Nell: According to the cows, the Beefies are planning to take him back to Beefy HQ.
Me: Oh no.
Nell: A large group of Beefies in baseball caps were flying around the garden this morning shouting ‘Ben! Ben!’ and throwing mackerel.
Me: I bet Princess was pleased. Who’s Ben?
Nell: Benjamin, of course. You know how Beefies tend to abbreviate. Malcolm is Malc, Timothy is Tim and Our Penguin is O.P.
Nell: Gladys is fine with Glads and Alejandro loves Al but Harriet hates Hattie.
Me: Well, fortunately Dave is Dave.
Nell: No. Dave is David, if you don’t mind.
Me: I bet they call you Nells.
Nell: They wouldn’t dare.
Me: No. Sorry.