Shanty Crews and Cows

Me: Did you see the video of The Old Gaffers on our page?

Nell: Yes. Tony was in excellent voice as usual.

Me: I love listening to sea shanties.

Nell: David still wants to join the crew. He’s discussing possibilities with Tony now.

Me: My darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. I know he loves singing but I’m not sure he’s the right fit.

Nell: Didn’t you notice the cows in the video? If they can join in then so can he.

Me: I’m not sure they were invited.

Nell: Cows don’t care about invitations and they have no respect for social distancing either. They were eavesdropping as usual.

Me: Were they?

Nell: Haven’t you noticed?

Me: Not really.

Nell: They act as if they couldn’t care less. Chewing the grass. Staring vacantly into space.

Me: I think they have lovely stares.

Nell: And all the time they’re listening to every word you’re saying, ready to pass it on to their friends.

Me: Are they?

Nell: You must have seen the Gossiping Groups in the fields.

Me: I know they like to stand together but that’s just being sociable, isn’t it?

Nell: Sociable? Nonsense. Nine times out of ten if there’s a rumour going round it was started by a cow.

Me: I never knew.

Nell: The mistake they make is telling the sheep.

Me: Why?

Nell: Sheep can’t keep anything to themselves. As I always say ‘Never tell a secret to a sheep.’

Me: I’ll remember that.

Nell: Talking of sheep. I heard on the cowvine that even though theatres are still closed there might be a chance of some open air performances this summer.

Me: I don’t particularly like the sound of sheep.

Nell: Excuse me? What about Lady Baba? And the great Baba Streisand?

Me: That’s true. Sorry.

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