Expect the Unexpected

Nell: You are not going to believe this.

Me: I just might.

Nell: One must always expect the unexpected.

Me: Has Dave taken his sunglasses off again?

Nell: No. And you can go straight back to bed, by the way, coughing all night like that.

Me: I couldn’t help it.

Nell: It always happens when you go on aeroplanes.

Me: I didn’t go on a plane. I went to Heathrow on the train.

Nell: That’s enough. Anyway, where was I?

Me: Expecting the unexpected.

Nell: Yes. I opened the door this morning expecting Knitwear Wolf and the newspapers and instead I found a buzzard called Bob.

Me: Bob?

Nell: Yes. Obviously I didn’t know his name at the time.

Me: Yes. You had only just met.

Nell: Quite. He said Horst had been in touch.

Me: What a relief.

Nell: Well, I asked him inside for a cup of tea and some toast which was fortunate as he had flown quite a way.

Me: Marmalade, or jam?

Nell: Marmalade, of course, buzzards are very traditional. It seems Sven Gully and Horst are up at the Beefy Mansion on Dartmoor.

Me: Isn’t it awfully far from the sea?

Nell: Yes, but Beefies are dreadful attention seekers.

Me: I suppose it’s a bit like parading Dartmoor ponies on a beach. They are definitely going to be noticed.

Nell: We know Stephen Seagull has called a meeting and the Beefies are gathering.

Me: I wonder if they are all wearing knitted waistcoats.

Nell: Good point. If they are bugged then Horst has backup.

Me: Maybe the bugs could all bite the Beefies at the same time. That would shock them.

Nell: The bugs are simply gathering information. They are not hired assassins. Try and stay in the real world, please.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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