Me: That’s Naughty Nigel.
Nell: Yes. We were FaceTiming on WoofsApp this morning.
Me: You were?
Nell: I have been rethinking my initial decision to do this alone. To be honest Charlie put his paw down.
Me: Good. I told you how unhappy we all were.
Nell: David actually refused breakfast. He said he was going on hunger strike.
Me: No?
Nell: I was shocked. Fortunately it didn’t last long and he is eating a bacon sandwich as we speak.
Me: What happened?
Nell: Well, you will be pleased to hear that Nigel has agreed to step up.
Me: He has? Does Charlotte know?
Nell: Not yet. Naughtiness comes naturally to Nigel. Remember the egg stealing?
Me: I do.
Nell: And recently Baby Lily’s bath toy was chewed.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: Anyway, with guidance, we believe Nigel can move from Naughty to Bad.
Me: I see.
Nell: Personally, I think Bad will be a challenge, but he is willing to try.
Me: So, what exactly is Nigel’s role?
Nell: He is joining BAD as a member.
Me: That sounds awfully dangerous.
Nell: Yes. He will wear a wire in his collar.
Me: It’s very brave of him.
Nell: Dave and Harriet offered to go but they simply aren’t naughty enough.
Me: No, they aren’t. Darling puppies.
Nell: One needs to have achieved a certain degree of naughtiness to be bad.
Me: Gladys is probably close.
Nell: Gladys is very close.
Me: And Poppy could easily be bad.
Nell: She only got back from the South of France last night.
Me: How are the newlyweds?
Nell: Resting in their nest. Malcolm has a tan. I think it’s from the snails.
Me: Could I be bad?
Nell: No.
Me: So it’s Naughty Nigel?
Nell: You mean Bad Nigel.
Me: Yes. Sorry.
