Hats are a must at weddings

Nell: Harriet needs to talk to you about hats.

Me: Hats?

Nell: We were discussing Malcolm and Susan’s wedding at Morning Thoughts.

Me: Do I have to wear one?

Nell: I can’t believe you even asked that question. Hats are an absolute must at a wedding and you do not have a good record.

Me: I have my all encasing spy hat.

Nell: Exactly.

Me: Could I wear a fascinator?

Nell: No. Gladys can carry it off but not you.

Me: Oh dear. Maybe Alejandro will lend me his Aztec crown.

Nell: There are so many reasons why that’s a bad idea, apart from the fact he will be wearing it when he takes the bride and her father to the beach.

Me: Are they getting married on the beach then?

Nell: Yes, of course. Where have you been during all the discussions?

Me: Somewhere else.

Nell: In your little bubble I expect. We have permission for a barbecue and a bouncy castle. Count Bingo and the Flamingoes are playing.

Me: I hope Dave and Gladys are dancing.

Nell: They will be when David has recovered from the Wimbledon final. He’s a big Federer fan.

Me: Oh dear. Poor darling boy. When is the wedding?

Nell: Next weekend. Honestly, you never listen. Anyway, Harriet needs you to go over to The Cat’s to try on hats.

Me: And then over to Bess’s to try on dresses.

Nell: Who is Bess?

Me: Nobody. I was making a joke.

Nell: Well, don’t. I have more than enough in my bowl without some pushy wardrobe mistress called Bess getting in the way.

Me: Bess isn’t pushy. She is rather sweet and helpful. Probably a shy Shih Tzu, or something similar.

Nell: There is no such thing and you know it.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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