Nell: Harriet needs to talk to you about hats.
Me: Hats?
Nell: We were discussing Malcolm and Susan’s wedding at Morning Thoughts.
Me: Do I have to wear one?
Nell: I can’t believe you even asked that question. Hats are an absolute must at a wedding and you do not have a good record.
Me: I have my all encasing spy hat.
Nell: Exactly.
Me: Could I wear a fascinator?
Nell: No. Gladys can carry it off but not you.
Me: Oh dear. Maybe Alejandro will lend me his Aztec crown.
Nell: There are so many reasons why that’s a bad idea, apart from the fact he will be wearing it when he takes the bride and her father to the beach.
Me: Are they getting married on the beach then?
Nell: Yes, of course. Where have you been during all the discussions?
Me: Somewhere else.
Nell: In your little bubble I expect. We have permission for a barbecue and a bouncy castle. Count Bingo and the Flamingoes are playing.
Me: I hope Dave and Gladys are dancing.
Nell: They will be when David has recovered from the Wimbledon final. He’s a big Federer fan.
Me: Oh dear. Poor darling boy. When is the wedding?
Nell: Next weekend. Honestly, you never listen. Anyway, Harriet needs you to go over to The Cat’s to try on hats.
Me: And then over to Bess’s to try on dresses.
Nell: Who is Bess?
Me: Nobody. I was making a joke.
Nell: Well, don’t. I have more than enough in my bowl without some pushy wardrobe mistress called Bess getting in the way.
Me: Bess isn’t pushy. She is rather sweet and helpful. Probably a shy Shih Tzu, or something similar.
Nell: There is no such thing and you know it.
Me: Yes. Sorry.
