Nell: This is most inconvenient.
Me: I know.
Nell: You catching another cold so close to Christmas.
Nell: We have panto rehearsals, the cafe is busy, Chris is coming and Harriet has become a Rastafarian.
Me: No, she hasn’t. She’s just into reggae.
Nell: I draw the line at Cinderella in a knitted hat, even if it is winter.
Me: The Cat would never allow it.
Nell: The Cat was last seen with David wearing a sequinned beanie.
Nell: Malcolm has caught the bug too.
Me: Does he have my cold?
Nell: No. He’s started wearing a striped knitted apron, keeps telling me we are blessed and is serving Jamaican food at the cafe.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: People want mince pies and turkey sandwiches with Michael Bouvier in the background singing “Holly Jolly Christmas” not “No Woman, No Cry” with Dog Marley and a bowl of rice and peas.
Me: Who is Michael Bouvier?
Nell: You know Michael. He is a “must” at Christmas. Lovely voice. Canadian, which is odd because all the Bouvier des Flandres I know are Belgian herding dogs.
Me: I didn’t know.
Nell: Even Mutley keeps telling me to chill and Poppy is cooking jerk chicken for dinner. What’s the matter with everyone? This is Kingsbridge not Kingston.
Nell: Did David just walk upstairs singing “Jamming” with Gladys in my handbag?
Me: He did.
Nell: Please tell me Gladys doesn’t have dreadlocks?
Me: I’m afraid she does. Sorry.