Afternoon tea

Me: You sneezed?

Nell: Yes, it’s only my hay fever. Come in. Mr Seagull was just leaving. “Harriet would you show him out, please?”

Me: Sorry to interrupt.

Nell: It’s fine. “Goodbye Stephen, and thank you for your visit. Poppy has packed a few scones for the journey. I know how much you enjoy them.”

Me: So, how did it go?

Nell: Extremely well. Poppy provided an excellent tea and Harriet was attentive and discreet during service.

Me: Where is Dave, by the way?

Nell: Out shopping for sequins with The Cat.

Me: Has Stephen Seagull agreed to stop?

Nell: Of course not.

Me: I thought that was the idea.

Nell: The head of a gang of beefy seagulls does not just surrender over a cup of Earl Grey and a smoked salmon sandwich. However good it is.

Me: I suppose not.

Nell: He will be stopping, however, he just doesn’t know yet.

Me: Did he enjoy Poppy’s scones?

Nell: He ate three but what a messy eater. Crumbs everywhere and he talks with his beak full. He even got cream on his feathers and trod jam into the floor. Thank goodness we chose wooden flooring he would have ruined the carpet.

Me: It sounded like he had a lot to say?

Nell: An awful lot. I am an excellent listener and he was more than happy to show off about his various enterprises.

Me: I still don’t see how this is going to help. It’s all well and good that he boasted about it all to you but how are you going to prove anything?

Nell: Because I recorded it all on my phone. If he doesn’t stand down, it will be front page news in the Daily Growl tomorrow.

Me: I’m impressed.

Nell: So let’s start Phase Two and send Mr Seagull a copy of our conversation. Can you ask Poppy to lasso another Beefy while I transfer the recording to a memory stick?

Me: And then?

Nell: We place it in its beak and off it flies. Get a spring in your step. No time to waste.

Me: Yes, sorry.

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