Me: How are you all?
Nell: Could you put it down there, please?
Me: What?
Nell: I was just talking to Jeremy, our butler. He’s brought my Earl Grey. Thank you, Jeremy. David and Harriet will have the barley water. Shortbread would be lovely.
Me: They are certainly looking after you.
Nell: Did you get the photo? I was outside St. George’s Chapel. Windsor is awfully busy. I met some delightful Americans.
Me: Yes, lovely. How was the journey?
Nell: The picnic was excellent and a welcome distraction. We were followed by a group of greyhounds from the Daily Growl in a fast car. Racy lot. James managed to lose them.
Me: I bet the puppies loved that.
Nell: I’m afraid all this attention has gone to their heads. People keep asking for selfies. I think it’s David’s hat.
Me: Did you manage to see Harry and Meghan?
Nell: Yes, we shared a delicious jug of Pimms. Harriet was a little shy and David really wasn’t. He tried to hug them. So embarrassing.
Me: Oh dear. Were Poppy and Mutley ok?
Nell: Poppy had far too much to drink and talked sword fighting with Harry and Mutley reminisced with Meghan about his time in the United States.
Me: I didn’t know Mutley had been there.
Nell: Oh yes, he toured for a while with his swing band.
Me: Gosh.
Nell: Anyway, mobile phones are not allowed in the chapel so I will probably call you from the carriage tomorrow.
Me: The carriage?
Nell: Yes, it might be a little noisy.
Me: How exciting.
Nell: Now what have you done?
Me: Who me?
Nell: No. The puppies were practising waving and David has just knocked over a statue.
Me: Oh no!
Nell: Mutley says to tell you he is fine and his hat will cover the bump.
Me: What bump?
Nell: Harriet, don’t walk through the barley water, dear, you are treading it into the carpet. Can someone call Jeremy?
Me: Oh dear. It was just an accident. I’m sure Dave is awfully sorry.
Nell: David is not sorry he is scoffing the shortbread. Poppy, put the trumpet away, please, and help. I must go.
Me: But Nell, I’ve got so many questions.
Nell: They’ll have to wait. I’ve got so much to do before my audience with The Queen. You wouldn’t want me to be late now would you?
Me: Of course not. Sorry.
