Me: My goodness, you are a beautiful dog.

Nell: I have classic Labradorian looks. That’s true. My mother Fleur was quite stunning.

Me: You aren’t going to let all this fame go to your head, are you?

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: Well, there are quite a lot of people who follow you, not to mention their animals.

Nell: Yes, I find it extremely gratifying. Do you know, there is a young lab called Billy who executed the most delightful Strategic Placement with a neck turn?  I am going to practise it with the puppies later.

Me: So all this is fine with you? I thought I would check.

Nell: Apart from the fact that it’s a bit late now and like closing the back door after the labrador has bolted, it is, indeed, fine with me.

Me: That’s a relief because I see us all as one big family and it is lovely to know we are making people happy.

Nell: Yes. Enough of that, however, there are things we need to do. Poppy fell in the pond down at Mrs D’s yesterday and needs help with the pondweed in her fur . Harriet is having some kind of hormonal crisis and needs a shoulder to cry on. Mutley is at the end of his tether.

Me: And Dave?

Nell: Don’t get me started on David. He hasn’t handed in his homework again. He says next door’s cat ate it.

Me: Maybe it did.

Nell: Don’t be silly. Run Poppy a bath and give Harriet a cuddle. I will calm Mutley and deal with David.

Me: Ok. Sorry.

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