Nell: It’s winter again.

Me: I know. We are in the middle of a snow storm and it’s March.

Nell: Kev just went outside to get logs and said he may be some time.

Me: That’s his joke, Nell. You worry about him too much.

Nell: I do not.

Me: You know you do. You go all soft and gooey when Kev’s around.

Nell: Soft and gooey? Ridiculous.

Me: Come on you know it’s true.

Nell: We have a special connection.

Me: He can do no wrong in your eyes. Unlike me.

Nell: He understands me. Just now I was feeling the cold from being in the snow and he dried my fur and tucked me in.

Me: I dry your fur and tuck you in.

Nell: Not in the same way.

Me: Now, that is ridiculous.

Nell: Kev isn’t back yet. Maybe I should check.

Me: You wouldn’t check on me.

Nell: You know perfectly well that I would.

Me: Only after I had been gone an hour and the fire had gone out.

Nell: Rubbish. By the way you never get the logs, or make the fire.

Me: I do other things.

Nell: Yes, you do. Jealousy is very unbecoming, you know.

Me: I know. Sorry.

Me: It’s your birthday!

Nell: Just let me sleep.

Me: You are six today!

Nell: I know. Just a few minutes quiet. Please.

Me: Why are you tired? We’ve got a day of celebration ahead.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: Walks on the beach, chicken for lunch and out to dinner.

Nell: Oh good.

Me: Did you get any presents?

Nell: David woke me with a song.

Me: Isn’t that sweet?

Nell: No. It’s loud and heartfelt but not sweet. Especially first thing in the morning.

Me: And Harriet?

Nell: Harriet is completely overexcited since the vet said she can go swimming again today. She brought me a filthy old antler from the garden and a sock.

Me: You like socks.

Nell: Poppy gave me one of her heart shaped biscuits which was thoughtful.

Me: And Mutley?

Nell: Mutley is still upstairs in bed which is where I should be. 

Me: Kev is taking you to the pub tonight. It’s the carvery so there will be roast beef.

Nell: And you?

Me: I am going to cuddle you all day because you are my darling Nell and I love you.

Nell: I was afraid of that.

Me: Come on. You know you like it.

Nell: I am not a cuddly dog.

Me: You are to me.

Nell: You are delusional. 

Me: Happy Birthday my darling Nell.

Nell: Thank you. Now let me rest. I will need all my strength to get through the day.

Me: Ok. Dave can’t wait to see the pub later. His first visit.

Nell: Excuse me? David is coming too?

Me: Yes, Kev promised him and we thought you would like the company.

Nell: I don’t believe it.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: I blame you.

Me: You always blame me so nothing new there.

Nell: Do you know what I just found?

Me: I know you are going to tell me.

Nell: Harriet’s boot.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: At the top of the stairs. Abandoned.

Me: Not good.

Nell: The cheeky animal was running around bootless playing with David.

Me: How did she get it off?

Nell: I cornered them in the living room and she says David had nothing to do with it.

Me: He looks innocent. Actually they both do. Look at their little faces.

Nell: You see! This is what I mean. You are useless. You know perfectly well that the boot did not fall off accidentally.

Me: It’s good she is running around though, isn’t it? Her appetite has come back too.

Nell: Yes. She is certainly a much happier girl today.

Me: And it’s not bleeding?

Nell: No. But you know it means another trip to the vets. Here is their number.

Me: Oh dear. I was just pleased she felt better.

Nell: Exactly. You never think things through.

Me: Sorry.

Me: Poor darling Harriet. How did it happen?

Nell: Reckless dashing around with David.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Resulting in a torn claw and copious amounts of blood.

Me: Yes, I walked into that.

Nell: Kev and I were dealing with it. He was calling the vet and I was trying to calm everyone down.

Me: There was an awful lot of running around.

Nell: Of course there was. Harriet was injured and David was distraught.

Me: Harriet was in a lot of pain. Dreadful.

Nell: They have removed it now so all is well. You need to stop fussing.

Me: I can’t help it. My poor little girl.

Nell: David sang to her last night, you know.

Me: He did?

Nell: It was tuneless of course and done with way too much emotion. I had to cover my ears.

Me: He is filled with so much love for his sister that it just floods out of him. It’s adorable.

Nell: Honestly there you go again. It’s no wonder the puppies are emotional.

Me: They have a close bond. I love that. He didn’t know what to do with himself while she was at the vets.

Nell: I didn’t know what to do with myself while you were at your wretched writing weekend but you didn’t see me tearing my fur out.

Me: Did you miss me, Nell?

Nell: I might have done.

Me: You did. I wonder if you would sing to me if I was injured.

Nell: Stop right now. I’ve told you before. Quit while you are ahead.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: I’m annoyed with you.

Me: What have I done now?

Nell: Instead of waiting for my decision on Fido you swan off somewhere.

Me: I didn’t swan off, Nell. You know I’ve got a Writers’ Weekend. I had to go.

Nell: Then you burst in at 6pm causing murder and mayhem and upsetting the puppies and left again taking Kev with you.

Me: Kev came with me to the dinner.

Nell: Leaving me to deal with the upset.

Me: What upset?

Nell: And not returning until 10.30pm.

Me: What happened?

Nell: Harriet accused David of jumping as he nearly knocked over Postman Tony today.

Me: He did but Tony loves Dave.

Nell: And David said it was bouncing not jumping and bouncing is allowed.

Me: Is it?

Nell: No. And nobody is happy that you appear to have got away scot free with injuring Fido so don’t think it’s forgotten.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: By the way, don’t you think I should be the one accompanying you?

Me: Ideally yes.

Nell: The hotel takes dogs so don’t even try that excuse.

Me: I mentioned you all a lot. Especially you, Nell.

Nell: Especially me?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Are you going there tomorrow?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Without me?

Me: Yes. It’s just a lot of writers writing. You would get bored.

Nell. The hotel takes dogs.

Me: Sorry.

Me: No. You can’t do this! Harriet is innocent.

Nell: I asked you if you saw a disturbance near Fido and you said Harriet was jumping up excitedly.

Me: Yes, because we were going for a walk on the beach and Harriet was excited because she loves the sea so much and Fido sits by the gate.

Nell: David was excited too. We all were.

Me: Yes. Exactly.

Nell: But David didn’t jump.

Me: No, because he just looks over the top of the gate. He’s taller than me when he stands up on two legs. Harriet has to jump to see anything. It’s not easy when you’re short.

Nell: Nobody has to jump. She has been warned not to.

Me: Wait.  Don’t you remember Fido lost his head in Oxfordshire? Before we moved down to Devon. A ball hit him.

Nell: You are right. Kev fixed him temporarily.

Me: Exactly, so even a light jump could have caused this.

Nell: What is a light jump?

Me: A jump of delight.

Nell: On mature reflection I will accept that this was an accident and not premeditated. Harriet will not face jail but there must be no jumping. Light or otherwise.

Me: Good luck with that.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: It’s ever so hard not to jump when you’re excited. I even find myself giving a little skip of joy now and again. Just now for instance because Harriet can go free.

Nell: A little skip of joy? How excited were you about the beach?

Me: Very. I love the sea just like Harriet.

Nell: Did you give a skip of joy near Fido?

Me: I might have done. We were all by the gate.

Nell: I put it to you that your skip of joy resulted in the decapitation of Fido and that you, not poor little Harriet, are responsible.

Me: I suppose it might have been me. It was an accident either way and Kev will fix it. No harm done.

Nell: Tell that to Fido.

Me: He will be fine. He has his head screwed on.

Nell: Stop.

Me: Don’t bite my head off.

Nell: Not funny.

Me: Sorry.

Me: How lovely. You are all out in the sunshine.

Nell: We are visiting the scene of the crime.

Me: Oh no. What happened? Why does Harriet look so worried?

Nell: Even you should have noticed the victim.

Me: Has someone been hurt?

Nell: Fido is missing his head.

Me: Oh dear. Maybe it was an accident.

Nell: Unlikely.

Me: Tony the postman sometimes closes the gate with a bang. Fido used to sit by the gate.

Nell: It was not Tony.

Me: Have you got any leads?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Apart from your own leads of course.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: That was quite a good joke, Nell.

Nell: It is not a laughing matter. We have a large number of suspects and questioning will begin shortly.

Me: It sounds serious. Heads will probably roll.

Nell: Not funny. We are starting with you. Follow me please.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: What on earth is David doing now?

Me: He is learning to play backgammon with Kev.

Nell: Excuse me?

Me: He wanted to learn.

Nell: I do worry about you sometimes.

Me: You should learn too. Then you and Dave could play together.

Nell: Absolutely ridiculous.

Me: I know. Just joking.

Nell: I prefer chess.

Me: What?

Nell: Harriet loves Scrabble. She has an excellent vocabulary already.

Me: Come on.

Nell: The Mutt likes a game of poker.

Me: And Poppy?

Nell: Poppy is excellent at bridge. She is teaching Dave and Harriet as Mutley isn’t keen and we need four.

Me: I used to know how to play. You never asked me.

Nell: We are dogs. You do know that don’t you?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Just checking.

Me: Sorry.

Me: We are back after our internet problems.

Nell: Yes.

Me: People missed us.

Nell: How kind.

Me: Look at you in action.

Nell: Yes, it captures my athleticism.

Me: You love chasing a ball.

Nell: Retrieving is not a game you know.

Me: Of course not.

Nell: It’s one of Marian’s photos isn’t it. I recognise her style.

Me: Yes, she is talented.

Nell: You could learn from her.

Me: I know. I’m more words than photos.

Nell: It was good to be back on the beach.

Me: With the wind in our hair.

Nell: Don’t start that again.

Me: Tasting salt in the air.

Nell: Stop.

Me: Running around like we just don’t care.

Nell: Enough.

Me: Ok.

Nell: You weren’t doing any running by the way.

Me: I know. Sorry.

Nell: Where are those puppies?

Me: They are asleep on my bed, Nell. Aren’t they gorgeous? Look how Dave is snuggling up to his sister.

Nell: You know they’ve been out all morning?

Me: Yes, playing in the snow.

Nell: The wet snow.

Me: Yes, it’s all starting to melt now.

Nell: Exactly.

Me: You should have seen them, Nell. They were rolling around.

Nell: Outside or inside?

Me: Oh.

Nell: They are nice and dry now anyway.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: How many times have I told you to close your bedroom door?

Me: Sorry.