Me: Why is Dave wearing his mayor’s hat?
Nell: The Italian is coming to tea this afternoon.
Me: But Dave isn’t the Mayor of Kingsbridge anymore.
Nell: He was and that’s all that matters.
Me: You’re not going to wear a tiara, are you?
Nell: Certainly not. A wide brimmed hat and my pearls will suffice.
Me: I hope the Italian doesn’t disappoint you.
Nell: Why would he?
Me: He might not be quite what you expect.
Nell: We shall see.
Me: We shall indeed.
Nell: At least we have a name for him now.
Me: Do we?
Nell: Yes, and he’s a he.
Me: How do you know his name?
Nell: There was a message on the top of today’s spaghetti bolognese.
Me: What did it say?
Nell: ‘Grazie per il gentile invito al tè. Ci vediamo alle tre.’
Me: Your Italian accent is really good now. What does that mean?
Nell: Thank for the kind invitation to tea. See you at three.
Me: That doesn’t tell me the Italian is male.
Nell: He signed it.
Me: Signed it?
Nell: You’re doing that repeating thing again.
Me: What’s his name?
Nell: Stanley Smoochy.
Me: Stanley Smoochy?
Nell: Stop doing that.
Me: Are you serious?
Nell: Yes. Look.
Me: Oh my goodness. I might have to find a hat now, too.
Nell: Don’t be silly. Nobody needs a hat to show someone into the kitchen.
Me: They do if it’s Stanley Smoochy.
Nell: Calm down.
Me: It’s lucky you speak Italian.
Nell: I don’t.
Me: Yes, you do. You’ve been speaking Italian to me for days.
Nell: Oh yes. I hadn’t realised.
Me: Can Dave speak Italian?
Nell: A little.
Me: What about Harriet?
Nell: The same.
Me: And Nigel?
Nell: I don’t know. Why?
Me: Just a theory. Sorry.
