Me: I’m afraid Nigel has been naughty again.
Nell: What did he do?
Me: He rolled in fox poo when he was out on a walk.
Nell: There’s nothing wrong with that.
Me: It smells absolutely disgusting, Nell.
Nell: No, it doesn’t.
Me: I know you all think you smell wonderful when you roll in it but you really don’t.
Nell: Nonsense.
Me: Charlotte had to cover him in tomato ketchup.
Nell: I beg your pardon?
Me: It helps get rid of the smell.
Nell: That is disgusting.
Me: She gave him a bath afterwards.
Nell: I should hope so.
Me: He’s feeling rather sorry for himself now.
Nell: I don’t blame him.
Me: It’s probably best not to mention it when he comes to stay tomorrow.
Nell: Well, I hope he doesn’t reek of tomato ketchup. I can’t see how I’m supposed to ignore that.
Me: Please try.
Nell: One doesn’t expect one’s guests to arrive wearing condiments.
Me: He’s had a bath.
Nell: I hope Charlotte gave him something to go with it.
Me: What do you mean?
Nell: A sausage, or a burger.
Me: It wasn’t the time for rewards.
Nell: You can’t have ketchup on its own.
Me: Don’t go making jokes like that tomorrow.
Nell: Talking of sausages, maybe we should have a barbecue?
Me: I think the weather is a bit too iffy for that.
Nell: David doesn’t mind barbecuing in the rain.
Me: Dave can’t be trusted around barbecued meat. I suppose we could grill some fresh fish.
Nell: Fish? We’re not pelicans.
Me: Not all birds eat grilled fish.
Nell: Really?
Me: The Beefies prefer it covered in batter with a side order of chips.
Nell: Nigel can provide the ketchup.
Me: Not funny.
Nell: It is a bit.
Me: Yes. Sorry.
