Me: It’s funny how you Labradors can appear enormous from a certain angle. Look at Dave’s huge bottom. Bless him.
Nell: David is enormous from any angle.
Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.
Nell: What’s he doing?
Me: Watching out for house martins. One of them flew into the bedroom by accident.
Nell: Are you sure it was accidental?
Me: Yes. It was in a proper tizzy.
Nell: Tizzy?
Me: It means in a state of nervous excitement. Like Dave when he smells bacon, or you when you see Knitwear Wolf.
Nell: I beg your pardon?
Me: Admit it. You go all unnecessary when Rupert is around.
Nell: I do not.
Me: You giggle.
Nell: I have never giggled in my life.
Me: You do when Rupert makes a wry comment.
Nell: Rupert is amusing. He has a dry sense of humour.
Me: He certainly enjoys making you smile.
Nell: It sounds like the house martin is back.
Me: We might have to get Malcolm up here to have a word with it.
Nell: Why?
Me: Dave doesn’t speak Bird.
Nell: Malcolm speaks Flamingo. It’s completely different to House Martin.
Me: Isn’t Bird the general language and Flamingo a dialect?
Nell: Most birds speak English, anyway, so David can talk to it.
Me: The rooks speak French.
Nell: That’s because they are French.
Me: And Manuel speaks Spanish.
Nell: He’s from Barcelona.
Me: And the Hoffmanns speak German.
Nell: Where is this going?
Me: I’d love to learn a new language.
Nell: No, I’m not going to teach you how to speak Dog.
Me: Go on. Just a little Labrador.
Nell: Not happening.
Me: If only I was able to bark, or growl, in an understandable way.
Nell: Never say that out loud again, please. You sound crazy.
Me: Sorry.
