Me: Which photo of Dave is the best?

Nell: Why do we have to choose one?

Me: For his portfolio. Isn’t he the handsomest Big Brave Beautiful Boy you ever saw?

Nell: What portfolio?

Me: Someone from the Daily Growl called asking if he had one.

Nell: Why?

Me: They want photos to go with some article they’re writing about mayors.

Nell: What was their name?

Me: I don’t remember. Whoever it was had an awful cold.

Nell: Were they sneezing?

Me: No. They had a really croaky voice. I could hardly understand them.

Nell: Did they sound like a bird?

Me: It wasn’t a Beefy. I know what seagulls sound like.

Nell: I wasn’t thinking of the Beefies. What exactly did they say?

Me: ‘Can you take a photo of Dave Martin?’

Nell: Take a photo, or send a photo?

Me: Take.

Nell: Why do you think it was the Daily Growl?

Me: That’s what I presumed because of the article.

Nell: The Daily Growl send their own photographers.

Me: Oh yes. A funny thing was they kept saying ‘Cor’ as if they were impressed.

Nell: Are you sure it wasn’t ‘Caw’?

Me: That’s what I said.

Nell: No. CAW. The sound a rook makes.

Me: A rook?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Have I been talking to NOIR? The Notorious Organisation of International Rooks.

Nell: I know who they are.

Me: Why do they want a photo of Dave?

Nell: They don’t. They want to know exactly where he is.

Me: Why?

Nell: I suspect someone has told them he didn’t lose the diamonds.

Me: Do they know Sally has the diamonds?

Nell: No, but they know David knows.

Me: So we’d better let Sally know that we know that they know that Dave knows.

Nell: Stop talking.

Me: Sorry.

Me: Wasn’t it beautiful down on the beach?

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: The sun was shining and everyone was having a wonderful time.

Nell: You really didn’t notice anything at all, did you?

Me: What’s that supposed to mean? I noticed you having a serious chat with Dave.

Nell: Yes.

Me: And then I noticed Harriet rushing out of the sea.

Nell: Yes.

Me: And I noticed Harriet dancing around in the seaweed as usual while Dave looked on in confusion.

Nell: First of all, Harriet was not dancing around in the seaweed, she was looking for evidence.

Me: Evidence? Well, she found her ball.

Nell: That was coincidental. And secondly, David was not looking on in confusion, he was looking around in fear.

Me: What did he have to be scared about? Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell; Didn’t you see all the birds?

Me: What birds?

Nell: The big black birds gathering behind him on the beach.

Me: I didn’t see any birds on the beach.

Nell: No, but we did.

Me: Is that why we rushed home?

Nell: Yes, of course it is.

Me: Why can’t there be any birds on the beach?

Nell: They weren’t any old birds.

Me: Do you think they were bad birds?

Nell: We know they were.

Me: What happened?

Nell: While I was talking to David about keeping a low profile Harriet saw them gathering and rushed out of the sea to tell us.

Me: I didn’t realise.

Nell: And while she was checking the seaweed, David kept watch to see if they were moving any closer.

Me: I still think she was looking for her ball.

Nell: That’s not the point. David needs to lie low. Nobody must know where he is. Do you understand?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: There’s something magical about finding clusters of snowdrops on a cold winter’s day.

Nell: Is there?

Me: Yes. It’s like you’ve discovered hidden treasure. It really lifts my spirits.

Nell: Well, that’s good to hear. We all need a lift at this time of the year.

Me: When we were children our mother used to drive miles to show us the primroses growing in the famous Devon banks.

Nell: Did you appreciate them?

Me: Not enough. Did you know primroses are actually rather shy flowers?

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: They tend to hide away.

Nell: I don’t blame them.

Me: But not down here in Devon. In Devon they are loud and proud.

Nell: Really?

Me: Yes. Devon primroses are bold and grow in the hedgerows.

Nell: Moving on, I noticed you taking close-ups of us again.

Me: I love taking portrait photos of you three labs. You’re all so beautiful.

Nell: Most kind.

Me: People compliment me on my photos of you.

Nell: Do they?

Me: Yes. I wonder if I could be a photographer.

Nell: Stop all that nonsense. You’re a writer who also takes photos.

Me: Even that lion likes my photos.

Nell: Lionel King?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Was he here?

Me: Yes. He came to see Dave.

Nell: Did you tell him David was here?

Me: No. You told me not to tell anyone Dave is here so I was definitely not going to tell that lion.

Nell: Good.

Me: But I showed him some of my photos.

Nell: Why?

Me: Because he asked politely to see them.

Nell: It’s strange Lionel was asking for David.

Me: I think it was probably just an excuse to see you.

Nell: Did he ask to see me?

Me: No. Just Dave. And the photos. Sorry.

Me: Why are you hiding under the kitchen table?

Nell: I’m exasperated.

Me: Isn’t it too early for exasperation?

Nell: No.

Me: Have you had any breakfast?

Nell: Half a boiled egg and a few soldiers.

Me: Couldn’t you manage a whole egg?

Nell: David ate the other half by mistake.

Me: That is exasperating.

Nell: I didn’t care. Manuel offered to make me another.

Me: I expect Dave was very sorry.

Nell: He didn’t even notice.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: I showed him the empty egg and he turned it over and cracked the top with his spoon.

Me: We used to do that as children. We’d pretend to our mother we hadn’t eaten our eggs.

Nell: She knew.

Me: She always acted like she didn’t.

Nell: David just moved on to the next egg. Harriet’s, I think.

Me: It’s an easy mistake to make.

Nell: He doesn’t think.

Me: Or he thinks too much?

Nell: No. It’s definitely the first one.

Me: You’re right. Is he still wearing a moustache?

Nell: Yes, and dark glasses and a trilby hat. Inside. I told him no hats at the table but he didn’t listen.

Me: Naughty boy.

Nell: He can’t see anything with dark glasses on.

Me: He managed to see the egg.

Nell: He had yolk all over his moustache.

Me: It won’t be there for long.

Nell: Nobody listens to me.

Me: We do.

Nell: I might as well stay under this table.

Me: What about a walk on the beach?

Nell: I’m not sure.

Me: We could have tea by the fire together? Just you and me.

Nell: It’s never just you and me.

Me: It’s always you and me, Nell.

Nell: Tell that to the llamas standing behind you queuing for more toast.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Harriet never stays anywhere for very long, does she?

Nell: Excuse me?

Me: The minute you say hello, it’s already goodbye.

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: Harriet’s always running to and fro.

Nell: Chocolates are famously crazy.

Me: Harriet isn’t crazy. She’s just a lively sort of animal.

Nell: She has her moments.

Me: I wonder why you and Dave aren’t called Licorice Labs? Nigel could be a Honey Lab.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: But seriously, why is it only the brown labs who get the special name?

Nell: Have you quite finished?

Me: It’s a legitimate question.

Nell: Moving on, David’s been asked by Sally to keep a low profile.

Me: Is that why he’s wearing dark glasses and a moustache?

Nell: Good grief. I told him to take them off.

Me: I think he looks rather sweet.

Nell: He’ll be wearing that long black wig next.

Me: I think The Cat gave it back to Romeo.

Nell: I have no idea why a seagull would think wearing a long black wig would make it more attractive.

Me: He ties it back in a pony tail.

Nell: It’s ridiculous.

Me: His name is Romeo. He can’t just be an ordinary seagull.

Nell: I found him serenading the llamas the other day.

Me: I bet they loved that.

Nell: They cartwheeled into several sheep and a visiting spaniel.

Me: Oh dear. You don’t think Dave really is in danger, do you?

Nell: Sally says things should have calmed down in a few days.

Me: Good.

Nell: Claudette Corbeau is back with NOIR so Sally will know what’s going on there.

Me: Claudette should be able to calm some ruffled feathers. See what I did there?

Nell: Very droll. Let’s just hope she can.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: I have to say this, Nell. If they awarded Oscars in the animal world, Dave would definitely win one for his performance in the activity field.

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: When those huge rooks flew over us, followed by a flock of Beefies, he looked absolutely terrified. He even made his ears fly. It was amazing.

Nell: That’s because he was absolutely terrified.

Me: Seriously?

Nell: Where have you been the last few days?

Me: I’ve been here.

Nell: Don’t you realise how much trouble David is in because of the missing diamonds?

Me: They aren’t missing any more. Sally collected them.

Nell: Would you mind lowering your voice, please?

Me: But she did. I checked behind the Stuffed Tiger this morning and the box had gone.

Nell: I expressly forbade you from doing that.

Me: I know. I couldn’t help myself.

Nell: You most certainly could. It was wilful and dangerous.

Me: I was only standing on a chair.

Nell: I don’t mean that, although at your age you’d probably be best not climbing onto chairs. I’m talking about the Beefies and NOIR.

Me: They couldn’t see me.

Nell: They see more than you think.

Me: You don’t really think Dave is in danger, do you? I couldn’t bear anything to happen to my Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: As long as Sally’s visit remains a secret all will be well.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: What does that mean?

Me: I might have asked Dave how long she was staying.

Nell: When?

Me: In the activity field when those birds flew over.

Nell: I don’t believe this.

Me: They might not have heard me. I didn’t shout very loudly.

Nell: We need to tell Sally and get David to safety right now.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Nigel and the puppies have been sitting at the window for ages. Are we expecting visitors?

Nell: How do you feel about croissants for breakfast? I thought it might make a pleasant change with some of Frau Hoffmann’s homemade raspberry jam.

Me: Is there something you’re not telling me, Nell?

Nell: Sunday Songs is taking place outside in the field again so please don’t forget your wellington boots and a hat.

Me: You’re ignoring me again.

Nell: Guest performer today is Roley Moley with Babycakes Gillespie on the drums.

Me: I didn’t know Roley Moley could sing and I definitely didn’t know Babycakes played the drums.

Nell: Pugs have excellent rhythm.

Me: Do they?

Nell: And moles often hide their lights under a bushel.

Me: Roley Moley is a sort of spymaster. It’s probably part of the job description.

Nell: Sunday roast may be a little late today but Yorkshire puddings with gravy are worth waiting for in my book.

Me: Why will it be late?

Nell: And a good joint of beef only benefits from resting.

Me: I know you can hear me? Why is lunch going to be delayed?

Nell: We’re unsure of numbers, if you must know.

Me: So, we are having visitors?

Nell: Yes. You’re obviously not going to leave this alone. Sally and the Royal Owl Force are expected.

Me: Do owls eat beef?

Nell: They do, actually, but that is not the point

Me: It will be if it’s the whole Owl Force.

Nell: It will probably only be Owl Pacino for lunch and perhaps Tawny Tim.

Me: Sally’s coming to pick up the diamonds, isn’t she? That’s why Roley Moley is here and the owls are escorting her.

Nell: You may think that. I couldn’t possibly say.

Me: Of course not. Sorry.

Me: Pinch, punch, first of the month.

Nell: Don’t even think about it.

Me: I wasn’t really going to pinch you.

Nell: Good. As it’s the first of the month you can share the link so people can support your writing.

Me: I wish I didn’t have to do this.

Nell: Well, you do. We’re struggling. All this house selling and buying business is taking far longer than we anticipated.

Me: I know. I’m still hoping that it will be resolved soon and we can move in to The House on the Corner.

Nell: Aren’t we all? Post the link, please.

Me: It’s buymeacoffee.com/saramartin, Thank you in advance. Your support means such a lot and makes a real difference.

Nell: It does. Now, why are you up and about?

Me: I couldn’t sleep, Nell.

Nell: It’s Saturday and you aren’t going anywhere.

Me: I know.

Nell: So, why not rest like everyone else?

Me: I just can’t.

Nell: What’s that behind your back?

Me: Nothing.

Nell: It looks like a long stick.

Me: It’s just a window opener for those tall skylight windows.

Nell: It’s cold. Why would you be opening a window?

Me: I wanted some fresh air.

Nell: You weren’t trying to move the Stuffed Tiger on top of the wardrobe, were you?

Me: No, of course not.

Nell: To see if the box of diamonds disguised as seashells was still there?

Me: Never crossed my mind.

Nell: Good, because that would be interfering, irresponsible and very naughty.

Me: I agree.

Nell: Well, open the window then.

Me: I’m not sure I want to anymore. It is rather cold today.

Nell: If I find that tiger has been moved, there will be trouble.

Me: I only wanted to check it was safe.

Nell: I knew it.

Me: Sorry.