Me: My goodness that was an exciting game of football.

Nell: Yes. England played well.

Me: They did. Kev and I were on the edge of our seats.

Nell: I know. You were extremely loud.

Me: I’m glad you insisted on having pizza. I couldn’t have been loud with a fish ciabatta.

Nell: People with coughs should not shout at the television.

Me: I couldn’t help it.

Nell: Well, you’re going to be able to do it all over again on Sunday at the final.

Me: We might have to eat pizza again.

Nell: Certainly not. Sundays are for roast dinners. You can be loud with a leftover beef sandwich.

Me: Sounds good to me.

Nell: It’s certainly good to see the sun again.

Me: Yes, we had such a lovely walk by the river.

Nell: We did.

Me: You were walking much better after your injection and therapy with Chloe.

Nell: I was.

Me: And cutting your toenails seems to have made a big difference, too. They’re easily forgotten.

Nell: Not by me.

Me: Anyway, it was good to see you so lively.

Nell: Harriet swam out too far. The river was moving really quickly.

Me; She’s a strong swimmer but I know what you mean. She needs to be careful.

Nell: Why are you up and doing already? You’re usually writing.

Me: We have a viewing later this morning so we need to get the house shipshape for potential buyers.

Nell: Not again.

Me: The good thing is we have another viewing tomorrow afternoon, so if these buyers don’t like it, maybe the other ones will.

Nell: There’s nothing not to like about this house.

Me: I know, Nell, but people have different tastes.

Nell: Part of me doesn’t want them to like it.

Me: I understand. Sorry.

Me: I’m glad being seven hasn’t stopped the puppies from playing.

Nell: Why? What are they doing?

Me: Harriet is having one of her Crazy Five Minutes and Davey is joining in.

Nell: Don’t call him Davey, please. He’s the Mayor of Kingsbridge.

Me: He’s still my boy.

Nell: Talking of boys, England is playing football tonight.

Me: Yes, I know and I will be watching.

Nell: Harry wants David to fly over to Germany to support the team.

Me: Prince Harry does?

Nell: Of course not. Harry Kane, the England captain. Do try and be a little realistic.

Me: Oh, I see. Why does he need Dave?

Nell: David trained with the team a few years ago and they’ve kept in touch ever since. Don’t you remember?

Me: Vaguely. Is he going?

Nell: No, he is not. It’s too short notice. There won’t be any flights.

Me: If Poppy was still here she would have flown him over.

Nell: Well, she isn’t. She and Mutley will be watching, however.

Me: Do they have television up there?

Nell: They’re Guardians. They can see everywhere.

Me: Oh yes.

Nell: Now, foodwise what are we thinking? Pizza? Hot dogs?

Me: I quite fancy a baked potato with beans and cheese.

Nell: You can’t eat a baked potato with your paws.

Me: Does that matter?

Nell: Of course it matters.

Me: Could I have a fish ciabatta?

Nell: What’s wrong with you?

Me: Nothing.

Nell: If you suggest a prawn cocktail I shall be very annoyed.

Me: That would be amazing.

Nell: That’s it. You’re having pizza, or hot dogs, like everyone else. It’s easy and you can wave it around.

Me: Why would I want to do that?

Nell: England are playing. You’re not going to be sitting still.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: I know I might be a tiny teeny little bit biased but Dave really is a Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: He is a handsome animal.

Me: Tony was only saying the other day that Toby looks so much like him. Only smaller.

Nell: It’s interesting that you should mention Tony.

Me: Is it?

Nell: I’m afraid David is devastated.

Me: Why?

Nell: He’s worked it all out.

Me: Worked what out?

Nell: When we move house Tony isn’t coming with us.

Me: Of course he isn’t, Nell. Tony has his own home with Sue and Toby.

Nell: I mean Tony won’t be our postman anymore.

Me: I see.

Nell: David is devastated.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Harriet’s upset.

Me: Oh no.

Nell: And I’m not too happy about it, either.

Me: Nobody is, Nell. But there’s nothing we can do.

Nell: Couldn’t Tony change his route?

Me: It’s not his decision.

Nell: Or add us in as an extra stop?

Me: We don’t even know where we’re going yet.

Nell: You told me you’d seen a little cottage in the middle of nowhere.

Me: We have, but there’s still a long way to go. We need to find a buyer for this house first.

Nell: Well, as soon as you do, David is going to talk to Royal Mail about Tony staying on as our postman.

Me: He can’t do that.

Nell: He’s the Mayor of Kingsbridge.

Me: We aren’t Tony’s only friends, you know. He has a lot of people who look forward to seeing him on his route.

Nell: They’ll get over it.

Me: Apart from that, Tony enjoys his route.

Nell: Variety is the spice of life.

Me: We’ll still see him, Nell, as a friend.

Nell: It’s not the same.

Me: I know. Sorry.

Me: Yesterday evening Harriet and I shared a magical moment.

Nell: Tell me about it.

Me: I went up to bed early because I was tired.

Nell: Yes.

Me: And Harriet came with me and we watched a beautiful sunset together.

Nell: That was more than a moment.

Me: Moment sounds more magical than minutes.

Nell: It certainly looks magical in the photos.

Me: It was. The clouds had a lovely pink hue from the light of the sun behind them and the sky was a perfect blue.

Nell: I’m very glad you were able to enjoy it together.

Me: Yes. Moments like that are precious.

Nell: Moving on, today is Monday. It’s the start of a new week and there are things that need doing.

Me: Well, I’m going to the doctor’s for blood tests and a possible shingles vaccination, although they might not give it to me as I am still unwell.

Nell: I don’t think they should.

Me: Let’s see what they say. And you’re going to the vet’s for your monthly Librela injection to help your arthritis.

Nell: Yes, but apart from all that, we have to try and solve the Beefy situation.

Me: I don’t know how. Did you see them all gathering in the garden yesterday?

Nell: I’m afraid that was Lionel’s fault. It turns out leftover Gooey Mess is their favourite food.

Me: At least all the shells and fish bones got eaten.

Nell: No, they spat them out.

Me: Now, that is rude.

Nell: And they kept asking Herr Hoffmann for more bread.

Me: Insufferable wretches.

Nell: I wish Lionel had chosen something else to cook. It seems Beefies cannot resist fish soup.

Me: It’s almost as if he did it on purpose.

Nell: What’s that supposed to mean?

Me: Nothing. Sorry.

Me: Wasn’t it lovely to see Naughty Nigel again?

Nell: Some have suggested that you might want to drop the Naughty.

Me: It’s an affectionate Naughty.

Nell: It’s still a Naughty. Nigel is a Labrador of senior years now and Naughty doesn’t seem right.

Me: Dave is seven and he’ll always be my Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell; But imagine if he was your Big Bad Beautiful Boy.

Me: That’s never going to happen. Dave doesn’t have a bad bone in his body.

Nell: He ate three boiled eggs, one of them was a llama’s, and some leftover meatballs for breakfast.

Me: I expect it was a mistake. He was probably discussing yesterday’s football with Rupert and got carried away. Hang on a minute, did you say llama?

Nell: Did I? I meant corgi.

Me: I thought the llamas wouldn’t be eating eggs.

Nell: No. They prefer cereal.

Me: Was the whole corgi choir here for breakfast?

Nell: Don’t be ridiculous. It was only the lead soprano.

Me: I didn’t know there was a lead soprano.

Nell: There’s a lot you don’t know. Now, Herr Hoffmann is still in a quandary about feeding the Beefies so a roast is off the cards today.

Me: Oh no.

Nell: Lionel King has offered to cook us a Gooey Mess instead.

Me: I beg your pardon? That sounds absolutely revolting.

Nell: It’s a French fish soup, apparently, served with crunchy bread boots. Lionel says it’s delicious.

Me: You mean Bouillabaisse.

Nell: Yes. Gooey Mess. Do keep up.

Me: And they’re croutes, not boots.

Nell: Herr Hoffmann’s making them so they’ll be delicious.

Me: I was really looking forward to a roast.

Nell: Good things come to those who wait.

Me: But for how long?

Nell: Until next Sunday, I expect.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: What is going on with you dogs and the vacuum cleaner?

Nell: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Me: Yesterday when Kev and I were getting the house ready for the viewing.

Nell: I don’t like viewings. Turfed out of my home into the pouring rain.

Me: You had a lovely walk by the river.

Nell: You shouldn’t have been out in that weather. You’re still coughing.

Me: We had no choice. Anyway, back to the vacuum cleaner.

Nell: Nasty loud thing.

Me: Why did Harriet insist on staying on the sofa when it was being vacuumed?

Nell: It’s a test of bravery. You have to stay on the sofa for as long as you can She managed to beat her last time by quite a few minutes.

Me: Dave didn’t do very well, then. He watched it from my chair. Darling Big Not Quite So Brave Boy.

Nell: David struggles with noise.

Me: Not with making it. He has a really loud Big Boy’s bark.

Nell: Which is just as it should be. Not only is David the Mayor of Kingsbridge but he is Chief Protector of our home. Wherever that might be.

Me: What if Harriet is braver than Dave? Only, I think she might be.

Nell: Harriet’s bravery is quieter. The Chief Protector needs to appear bold and brave.

Me: Even if he isn’t?

Nell: Especially when he isn’t.

Me: So, it’s a sort of false bravery.

Nell: Yes. A lot of people have it. Especially those who are most afraid.

Me: Dave likes to come and sit close to me when something frightens him.

Nell: That’s because David is brave in a different way.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is ask for help.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Good morning.

Nell: Could you keep your voice down, please? Some of us are still trying to sleep.

Me: Were you watching the election results, too?

Nell: Nothing much to watch.

Me: Yes, there was.

Nell: It was a landslide.

Me: I know.

Nell: Henry and Horst got all the votes.

Me: All of them?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Every single one?

Nell: Yes.

Me: How did they manage that?

Nell: Nobody else was on the ballot sheet.

Me: What?

Nell: They were unopposed.

Me: That’s not an election.

Nell: Yes, it is. Everyone got to vote.

Me: Why are you both so tired?

Nell: It’s Friday and it’s raining.

Me: It is rather horrid weather. I hope the people seeing our house today will still like it.

Nell: It’s not raining inside.

Me: I know, but the views here are spectacular and you can’t see anything out there but a foggy mist.

Nell: It is what it is. There’s nothing we can do about it.

Me: Did you know Chris and Shannon flew from Toronto to Iceland last night?

Nell: I did. They were only in Iceland for a few hours. They’re on their way to Helsinki now. They’ve got a Finnish wedding to attend tomorrow.

Me: Yes, they have. I know why you and Dave are tired and it’s got nothing to do with the election, or the weather.

Nell: I never said it had.

Me: You were tracking Chris’s flight, weren’t you?

Nell: I might have been.

Me: I knew it.

Nell: It takes one to know one.

Me: What’s that supposed to mean?

Nell: They should be landing in Helsinki around 2pm local time.

Me: Right.

Nell: Which is 12pm our time, so not much longer for you to keep tracking them, too.

Me: No. Sorry.

Nell: Nice photos of Harriet in the river.

Me: Water is her happy place.

Nell: It’s election day today.

Me: I know. Kev and I will be voting later.

Nell: I’m not sure you can.

Me: Of course we can, and it’s extremely important that we do.

Nell: You’re not insects.

Me: What on earth are you talking about?

Nell: Nobody has a chance against Henry and Horst, anyway. Did you read their manifesto?

Me: Manifesto?

Nell: Sidney the spider tried to campaign against them once, and so did a couple of ambitious ants, but no one understands the needs of the insect community like Henry and Horst.

Me: They’re woodlice.

Nell: I know.

Me: Aren’t woodlice crustaceans?

Nell: Potato, potahto. The insect world is diverse and inclusive.

Me: Shouldn’t there only be one candidate?

Nell: Henry and Horst go together. Always have done, always will.

Me: Like strawberries and cream.

Nell: Or you and me.

Me: What a lovely thing to say, Nell. Would I be your co-prime minister if you were up for election?

Nell: Certainly not. Who mentioned prime minister?

Me: Henry and Horst are going to be prime ministers, aren’t they?

Nell: Don’t be ridiculous. Insects don’t have prime ministers.

Me: What do they have? Presidents?

Nell: No, of course not.

Me: It can’t be head bugs because that sounds too itchy.

Nell: Stop wittering on. Henry and Horst are going to be the Insect Grand Masters, and I can’t think of anyone better. They are always calm, cool and collected in any situation.

Me: I hope all this power doesn’t go to their heads.

Nell: Being Mayor of Kingsbridge hasn’t gone to David’s head.

Me: He did ask for an extra bacon sandwich this morning.

Nell: He asked. He didn’t take.

Me: You’re right. Sorry.

Me: It’s unusual to see you on the bed.

Nell: Kev lifted me onto it.

Me: Well, I’m delighted to see you.

Nell: David was taking up most of the bed as usual but Kev made him move.

Me: He can be a bit of a bed hogger. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: Now, tell me where you were yesterday? You were gone for ages.

Me: Kev and I went to look at a little cottage in the middle of nowhere.

Nell: Why?

Me: We thought it might be somewhere we could all live.

Nell: And?

Me: And I think it might be.

Nell: What’s it like?

Me: It’s a little bit run down and unloved at the moment, but its heart is in the right place and it has a pretty garden.

Nell: We have to sell this house first.

Me: I know, but the new estate agents are on the case and we have another viewing on Friday.

Nell: I don’t want to leave here.

Me: Sadly we have no choice but to sell. We can’t afford to stay here.

Nell: I know.

Me: I’d like to say a big thank you to those of you who kindly supported us by buying cups of Earl Grey. It really does mean a lot.

Nell: Yes. Thank you.

Me: On another note, what are we going to do about Herr Hoffmann and the Beefies?

Nell: I’m afraid I’ve had to call in Owl Pacino and the Royal Owl Force.

Me: What are they going to do?

Nell: They’re setting up a Beefy Patrol.

Me: What’s that?

Nell: Any Beefy caught singing in, or around, the back garden will be asked to leave.

Me: They won’t listen.

Nell: We’re talking professional fighter owls here. They’ll listen, alright.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Harriet has the longest, most relaxed, tongue of any dog I’ve seen.

Nell: That’s still no excuse for photographing it so many times.

Me: I was taking photos of all three of you enjoying yourselves.

Nell: I noticed.

Me: I noticed you giving me one of your hard stares at one point.

Nell: One can’t even enjoy a lie down, or a gentle sniffari, nowadays, without it being caught on camera.

Me: It was unusual to see Harriet taking a break.

Nell: Yes. She’s usually bounding around.

Me: Unlike Herr Hoffmann. He’s exhausted.

Nell: I know. Frau Hoffmann was talking to me about it over breakfast.

Me: What did you have?

Nell: Freshly baked rolls with lashings of farmhouse butter and a lightly boiled egg. But that’s not the point.

Me: No.

Nell: She’s worried about him. He’s an elderly bear and all this scone baking is wearing him out.

Me: It has to stop.

Nell: I’m thinking of asking David to pass a law against it.

Me: Against what? Baking scones?

Nell: No. Against scones for Beefies.

Me: I’m not sure Dave’s allowed to pass laws.

Nell: He’s the Mayor of Kingsbridge.

Me: How would it work?

Nell: Any Beefy seen with a scone would be fined.

Me: Beefies don’t care two hoots about fines.

Nell: They’re seagulls, not owls, but you’re right.

Me: Can’t Frau Hoffmann talk to him?

Nell: She’s tried, and so has Rupert.

Me: I’m surprised he didn’t listen to Knitwear Wolf.

Nell: He did, but the Beefies won him over with their sad singing.

Me: The trouble with Herr Hoffmann is he has a kind heart.

Nell: Yes.

Me: And only sees the good in others.

Nell: True.

Me: He needs to be more like you.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: Sorry.