Me: Gosh, that was a thunderstorm and a half last night, wasn’t it?

Nell: Half what? Monsoon?

Me: The rain will have done the garden good and washed away some of the Saharan dust that’s been everywhere recently.

Nell: Is that what we’re calling it now?

Me: It really is from the Sahara. I’m not making it up.

Nell: That’ll make a change.

Me: Have you seen Dave?

Nell: David is outside enjoying a gentle chew on his favourite toy. Let him be. It’s Sunday.

Me: I thought he might want a cuddle after all the excitement of last night. The thunder was very loud.

Nell: I was there. He had nothing to fear.

Me: You were all very good. Harriet sat and watched the lightning with me and Poppy retired to Sandringham.

Nell: Having two palaces is useful. Now, I know Sunday is a day of rest but we have things to do.

Me: Yes.

Nell: Alice’s room must be made ready and Bumper wants everything neat and tidy.

Me: Our house is never tidy. Alice would be shocked if it was.

Nell: That’s what I said but the Welsh corgi choir have brought their feather dusters so who are we to complain?

Me: Won’t they be tired after Sunday Songs?

Nell: Nothing a cup of tea and some shortbread won’t fix.

Me: Is Poppy still cooking a Sunday roast?

Nell: Of course. Roast Beef with all the trimmings. Harriet wants Bumper to experience a proper English Sunday.

Me: What about Jim the Farm Dog? He must be feeling a little left out.

Nell: Poppy will make him some beef sandwiches to take into the fields.

Me: I meant left out of Harriet’s life. She’s barely noticed him recently.

Nell: Bumper’s just a pen pal. Stop fussing.

Me: Sorry.

Me: Harriet seems awfully happy at the moment.

Nell: She’s just been for a swim and Bumper’s still here.

Me: I’ve had a thought about Bumper.

Nell: The field has certainly never been tidier.

Me: Even the Beefies are wearing napkins round their necks.

Nell: The Beefies?

Me: I noticed it this morning when they threw some mackerel at Malcolm. One of them wiped his beak.

Nell: Are you sure they weren’t scarves?

Me: Romeo was wearing that black wig but otherwise they looked like white linen napkins.

Nell: How odd.

Me: I thought Bumper must have spoken to them. He’s very persuasive.

Nell: I know.

Me: Anyway, coming back to my interesting thought about Bumper.

Nell: Must we?

Me: Harriet would love it if he could stick around.

Nell: Do you mean extend his visit?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Tell me more.

Me: What do you think about Bumper applying for stage manager?

Nell: That is an idea.

Me: He’s likeable, organised and not afraid to speak his mind when needed.

Nell: True.

Me: He’s even organised the Beefies.

Nell: Yes. That is impressive.

Me: Why don’t you run it by Snoopy and Lucy on your next zoom call?

Nell: Run it by? What’s the matter with you this morning?

Me: I’m in a doing mood.

Nell: Yes. It isn’t only Harriet who’s happy.

Me: Guess who’s coming to visit us on Monday?

Nell: It’s not that bear, is it?

Me: No, but it’s someone from Germany.

Nell: Who?

Me: Alice. She’s at a conference in Manchester and is going to stay with us afterwards until Thursday.

Nell: That’s wonderful.

Me: I know.

Nell: Why am I only hearing about this now? There’s so much to organise.

Me: Maybe Bumper can help?

Nell: Alice is my girl.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: I need you to explain all this to me again, please.

Me: The weather is very hot at the moment.

Nell: Yes.

Me: And you are an elderly dog.

Nell: I am aware of that.

Me: We can’t go on the main beach yet because it’s closed to dogs until October.

Nell: I know.

Me: And the walk to River Beach is too far for you.

Nell: Is it?

Me: Yes. If you remember, Kev had to fetch the car and collect you and I from the bottom of the hill.

Nell: So?

Me: He wasn’t actually allowed to do that. He just did because you were struggling.

Nell: I see.

Me: And he can’t do that again.

Nell: I don’t see why not.

Me: It’s private access.

Nell: They wouldn’t mind.

Me: We’re going to take you all down to the river later when the sun eases off. It’s safer for me, too.

Nell: This getting old isn’t much fun, is it?

Me: No, it isn’t.

Nell: My friend Emily was 14 yesterday.

Me: Yes, I know she was. I love Miss Em and I thought we could feature her today.

Nell: Everyone loves Emily.

Me: They do.

Nell: Especially Janet.

Me: True. You and Emily have a lot in common.

Nell: Wisdom?

Me: It wasn’t the first thing I thought of.

Nell: Beauty?

Me: Definitely, but I was going to say stubborn and strong willed.

Nell: We know what we like.

Me: Yes.

Nell: And we know what we don’t.

Me: You certainly do.

Nell: And we’re both greatly loved.

Me: Without doubt. And by so many.

Nell: You know you should have featured Emily yesterday, don’t you?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Because yesterday was her birthday.

Me: I didn’t know until later.

Nell: Just saying.

Me: Sorry.

Me: It’s going to be very warm again today.

Nell: Don’t forget your hat and sunscreen.

Me: I won’t. The lovely thing about this weather is you can sit outside in the evening.

Nell: Yes. Kev enjoys doing that.

Me: I noticed Dave joined him last night.

Nell: Were you snooping?

Me: No. I thought they looked rather sweet together under my party gazebo so I took a photo.

Nell: The party bit was for Kev’s birthday. Jonathan Sky decided where the flags should go.

Me: Do you know what Dave and Kev were discussing?

Nell: Boy talk, I expect.

Me: But my Big Brave Beautiful Boy looked awfully serious.

Nell: Probably because he saw you snooping.

Me: I wasn’t.

Nell: We both know you were.

Me: I thought Dave would talk to me if he had any serious worries.

Nell: Serious worries? What are you talking about? They were probably discussing football.

Me: I don’t think they were.

Nell: Well, if they were discussing something serious then it’s good they were talking about it.

Me: I suppose so.

Nell: It doesn’t matter who you talk to, it’s the talking about it that’s the main thing.

Me: Yes, you’re right.

Nell: We all have our worries but sharing them can be scary.

Me: Yes.

Nell: Sharing yours last year was one of the bravest things you’ve ever done,

Me: Thank you. I thought it might help others.

Nell: I’m sure it did.

Me: And then it helped me.

Nell: Yes.

Me: All the messages of support really kept me going.

Nell: I know. David was talking to Kev about sausages, by the way.

Me: What?

Nell: They want a barbecue this evening.

Me: And I thought Dave was worried.

Nell: He was. There weren’t enough last time.

Me: Right. Sorry.

Nell: What do you mean we can’t stay here?

Me: My Wednesday Writers workshop is scheduled on Zoom soon, Nell.

Nell: And?

Me: I can’t have you barking at the farm dogs.

Nell: They bark at us too, you know. Jim the Farm Dog is particularly loud at the moment. Ask Harriet.

Me: I need to be able to hear what’s going on.

Nell: So do I.

Me: I’m sure you and Harriet have got lots of things to be getting on with this morning.

Nell: Not particularly.

Me: Wasn’t Bumper organising a Keep Our Fields Tidy session?

Nell: A ridiculous waste of time. Nobody will attend apart from that stuffed tiger.

Me: The llamas and the sheep are gathering already.

Nell: Llamas are notoriously fickle and sheep never listen.

Me: Actually they do. They’re famous for getting involved.

Nell: Without ever really doing anything.

Me: If one sheep started tidying up they probably all would.

Nell: If one sheep walked over to a banana skin they would all walk over.

Me: There you are.

Nell: But they wouldn’t pick anything up. They’d just eat grass and watch.

Me: It’s a form of participation.

Nell: Well, I’d like to participate in your workshop. I shan’t be eating grass but I’m happy to watch.

Me: That’s not the idea.

Nell: I’m hoping there might even be a cup of Earl Grey and a biscuit in the break.

Me: We write in the break and then read out what we’ve written afterwards.

Nell: Excellent. I’m extremely good at critiquing as you know.

Me: You can’t join in. You’re not registered.

Nell: Don’t worry. I’ll give you my notes later. I’d put the kettle on if I were you. The workshop’s starting soon and we’ll need a pot of tea.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Well, that’s made Dave’s day. We haven’t seen Tony for ages.

Nell: He was on holiday.

Me: It’s sad news about Tony’s shanty crew breaking up.

Nell: He said it was all too much for them. They were victims of their own success.

Me: A bit like Dave.

Nell; What are you talking about?

Me: He’s rushed off his paws being the Mayor of Kingsbridge and a major Hollywood star.

Nell; We haven’t even started filming yet. Stop getting ahead of yourself.

Me: Did you notice anything strange at breakfast?

Nell: Apart from the fact that Bumper insisted the stuffed tiger had a seat at the breakfast table?

Me: Everyone was wearing napkins round their necks.

Nell: Yes, one of Bumper’s better ideas. He likes to wipe his mouth after eating and we thought we’d try it too.

Me: You looked awfully sweet.

Nell: Thats not the point.

Me: I know.

Nell: It won’t last, of course. David dipped his napkin in his boiled egg instead of toast and ended up with egg everywhere.

Me: I thought he looked a bit messy.

Nell: Harriet tried to lick the egg off and then he said it was his egg and if anyone was going to lick the egg off it should be him so she went and sat at the other end of the table with Bumper.

Me: What does Jim the Farm Dog think about it all?

Nell: He’s far too busy to be eating boiled eggs. He’s out ploughing the fields, or whatever farm dogs do.

Me: I meant about Bumper.

Nell: He’s being kind and welcoming.

Me: But actually he’s consumed with jealousy at the arrival of such a handsome pen pal.

Nell: Do calm down. This isn’t one of your stories.

Me: Except it is. Sorry.

Me: You’re not going to believe this.

Nell: I was going to say the same to you.

Me: There’s a handsome chocolate Labrador in the field.

Nell: I know.

Me: I’m not talking about Harriet. He’s a boy and he’s clearing up after the llamas.

Nell: I know.

Me: You do?

Nell: Yes. His name is Bumper. He’s from Hudson, Wisconsin in the US and he’s Harriet’s pen pal.

Me: Pen pal?

Nell: Well, Zoom Buddy or whatever they call it nowadays. What’s wrong with good old fashioned pen and paper? In my day we would write letters.

Me: You’re only 11.

Nell: And your point is?

Me: Harriet never said she had a pen pal.

Nell: No, and she never told us she’d invited him to stay either.

Me: He’s ever so good at tidying, Nell.. Look at the field now. You wouldn’t know Gladys and the llamas had been gliding all over it. No banana skins at all.

Nell: I wish they’d stop eating those awful things.

Me: Llamas can’t resist a banana. It’s a well known fact.

Nell: Harriet says Bumper is quite the people sort of dog and ever so popular in his neighbourhood.

Me: That’s nice. I shall enjoy having a chat with him.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: I thought I would go and welcome him.

Nell: That’s fine, but conversations are with me.

Me: Not all conversations, Nell. I’m allowed to talk to other dogs.

Nell: What is he doing?

Me: Who?

Nell: Bumper. He’s got Beaumarchais in his mouth and he’s dragging him across the field..

Me: I don’t think that’s wise. He’s a tiger. He won’t like that at all.

Nell: I’m talking about Beaumarchais the stuffed tiger not Beauregard the real one. Do keep up.

Me: Oh yes. Sorry.

Me: Is there something going on in the field?

Nell: It’s Sunday Songs.

Me: But Poppy seems absolutely fascinated and even Dave was quite interested for a while.

Nell: That boy has a very short attention span.

Me: Unless it’s food.

Nell: Obviously.

Me: Poppy has barely moved. She’s completely mesmerised.

Nell: It’s probably just the llamas cartwheeling again.

Me: There’s nothing unusual about that.

Nell: True. Let me see. What on earth are they doing?

Me: Who?

Nell: The llamas. They’re driving around madly in jeeps.

Me: Jeeps?

Nell: Yes. Filled with corgis.

Me: Where did they get them?

Nell: It’s the Welsh Corgi Choir.

Me: I meant the jeeps.

Nell: They’ve taken them from the Indiana Bones set. They had no right to do that.

Me: I didn’t know the llamas could drive.

Nell: Poppy taught them.

Me: That’s probably why she’s watching so closely. Maybe she’s grading their driving skills.

Nell: Nonsense. The corgis look absolutely terrified.

Me: Do you think the llamas kidnapped them?

Nell: Don’t be silly. They probably offered them a lift.

Me: That’s kind. I’ve often worried about them walking here on their little legs.

Nell: It’s part of their Sunday morning routine. They always get taken home in the Whippets Institute minibus.

Me: Not today.

Nell: Well, I’m going to put a stop to this. Sundays are for quiet contemplation not dashing around in jeeps.

Me: I agree. I can’t hear any of the singing.

Nell: It’s more squealing than singing. They’re going to need some hot sweet tea and shortbread.

Me: Poor little things.

Nell: It’s no good. We’ll simply have to find a stage manager.

Me: Isn’t that a bit excessive for Sunday Songs?

Nell: I’m talking about the movie. Someone needs to keep everything under control.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: You’re up at the crack of dawn again.

Me: Boo and Nigel are early risers and they’re excited about going home today.

Nell: Why? We made them both very welcome.

Me: I know you did but there’s nothing like home.

Nell: True. They loved going to the activity field yesterday.

Me: Yes, they did. They couldn’t stop smiling the whole time. Bless them.

Nell: What were you doing marching around the field like that? You’re still not well.

Me: I’m doing The Walk 30 Miles Challenge this September for Cancer Research. I have to keep my steps up.

Nell: You have to be sensible too, though. Wait until you’re well. Marching round like that. It made me dizzy.

Me: I know what you mean. I might have been a little over enthusiastic.

Nell: You’d better share the link with everyone. There’s absolutely no point in doing this if you don’t get donations.

Me: But I’ve only just started walking.

Nell: Everyone has to begin somewhere.

Me: Okay, this is the link:https://fundraise.cancerresearchuk.org/page/saras-giving-page-1388

Nell: Good. I know this charity is close to your heart.

Me: It is.

Nell: Now, have you seen Poppy?

Me: She’s outside on the red cushion.

Nell: With Naughty Nigel?

Me: Yes. He’s on the yellow chair. I think they’re waiting for the sun to come out. I hope it does.

Nell: The weather people have promised us it will later.

Me: Well, that’s something to be joyful about it.

Nell: We have a lot of things to be joyful about and the main one is you’re still here. I know why this challenge is important to you. We’re coming up to the anniversary of your cancer diagnosis.

Me: I was so scared.

Nell: It’s all going to be fine. We can do this.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: I can understand why your friend Dorothy fell in love with Naughty Nigel. He really is a handsome hound.

Nell: There you go again.

Me: What have I done now?

Nell: Discussing Dorothy’s love life in public.

Me: We’re amongst friends.

Nell: It’s private.

Me: I heard you talking about it with The Cat.

Nell: The Cat is family.

Me: Said no dog ever.

Nell: I’m not any dog and I’m only talking about The Cat. It cares for Dorothy. They’re occasional bridge partners when I’m too busy.

Me: I didn’t know The Cat played cards.

Nell: It prefers poker with Poppy but will play other games if pushed.

Me: I’m glad Nigel and Boo have settled in.

Nell: Where are the photos of Boo?

Me: He’s very shy. Every time I pick up my phone he moves away.

Nell: I know how he feels.

Me: You’re not shy.

Nell: No, but I’m private. I don’t like my love life discussed either.

Me: Talking of your love life, I saw that wretched lion walking across the field in jodhpurs and a big hat this morning.

Nell: Lionel has been asked to understudy David.

Me: What? That’s a terrible idea and Lionel doesn’t look a bit like Dave. He’s blonde and bushy.

Nell: Lionel has a very nice mane. It’s luxurious not bushy. He’s only standing in for David when needed. Stop fussing.

Me: Nigel should be standing in for Dave. He’s a much better fit.

Nell: Nigel’s already been cast as A Dog About Town, didn’t you know?

Me: No. He’ll be good at that.

Nell: Yes. The Cat thinks he should wear a white suit and a Panama hat.

Me: I bet Dorothy came over all unnecessary when she heard that.

Nell: Stop discussing Dorothy.

Me: Yes. Sorry.