Me: There’s an awful lot going on this morning.
Nell: It’s Kev’s birthday and the children have been awake for hours.
Me: Do I need cowboy boots?
Nell: Why?
Me: To line dance.
Nell: You’re not dancing without them. Have you reminded everyone the competition closes today.
Me: You just did.
Nell: I’ve written Kev a poem. Want to hear it?
Me: Yes, please.
Nell: ‘Bring out the cake
The balloons and the hats
Call all the animals
Except for the cats.’
Me: That’s a bit harsh
Nell: I wasn’t referring to The Cat. It’s family.
Me: Still not kind.
Nell: May I continue?
Me: Yes.
Nell: ‘Because today is the day
For celebration and joy
As we gather together
For our birthday boy.’
Me: Kev’s not a boy.
Nell: Age is irrelevant.
Me: Ok.
Nell: ‘Can it be true?
Are you quite sure?
Our best beloved Kev
Has turned 64?’
Me: Best beloved? What about me?
Nell: Stop interrupting.
‘Where are the llamas?
They need to stop gliding.
They’re wearing pyjamas
And why are they hiding?
Scared of balloons?
What nonsense is that?
You’ll be telling me next
They’re frightened of hats.
How do I begin
To know what to say?
How Kev is adored
By us all
Night and day.’
Me: Night and day?
Nell: Yes. Our love never wavers.
Me: It would be awful if it did. Just imagine caring about me in the morning and going off me by the evening.
Nell: We weren’t talking about you.
‘So Happy Birthday dear Kev
Husband, Grandpa and Father
Let’s all enjoy a quick bev,
Or some bacon if you’d rather.’
Me: A quick bev? You’ve never said that before.
Nell: Artistic licence. He’s Kev. He loves us and we love him. That’s all that matters.
Me: Yes. Sorry.
