Happy Birthday Dear Kev

Me: There’s an awful lot going on this morning.

Nell: It’s Kev’s birthday and the children have been awake for hours.

Me: Do I need cowboy boots?

Nell: Why?

Me: To line dance.

Nell: You’re not dancing without them. Have you reminded everyone the competition closes today.

Me: You just did.

Nell: I’ve written Kev a poem. Want to hear it?

Me: Yes, please.

Nell: ‘Bring out the cake

The balloons and the hats

Call all the animals

Except for the cats.’

Me: That’s a bit harsh

Nell: I wasn’t referring to The Cat. It’s family.

Me: Still not kind.

Nell: May I continue?

Me: Yes.

Nell: ‘Because today is the day

For celebration and joy

As we gather together

For our birthday boy.’

Me: Kev’s not a boy.

Nell: Age is irrelevant.

Me: Ok.

Nell: ‘Can it be true?

Are you quite sure?

Our best beloved Kev

Has turned 64?’

Me: Best beloved? What about me?

Nell: Stop interrupting.

‘Where are the llamas?

They need to stop gliding.

They’re wearing pyjamas

And why are they hiding?

Scared of balloons?

What nonsense is that?

You’ll be telling me next

They’re frightened of hats.

How do I begin

To know what to say?

How Kev is adored

By us all

Night and day.’

Me: Night and day?

Nell: Yes. Our love never wavers.

Me: It would be awful if it did. Just imagine caring about me in the morning and going off me by the evening.

Nell: We weren’t talking about you.

‘So Happy Birthday dear Kev

Husband, Grandpa and Father

Let’s all enjoy a quick bev,

Or some bacon if you’d rather.’

Me: A quick bev? You’ve never said that before.

Nell: Artistic licence. He’s Kev. He loves us and we love him. That’s all that matters.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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