Me: You’re such a classic beauty, Nell.
Nell: You’re too kind.
Me: I could spend the whole day taking photos of you.
Nell: I’d prefer it if you didn’t.
Me: You have such expressive eyes.
Nell: Here we go.
Me: And those grey chops are completely adorable.
Nell: Grey chops?
Me: The grey around your face.
Nell: I know what you mean, but please don’t say ‘chops’.
Me: It’s a term of endearment.
Nell: It’s cockney slang. Ladies don’t have chops.
Me: I still think you’re beautiful even with mud on your nose.
Nell: Mud on my nose?
Me: Yes, you must have been snuffling something again.
Nell: I don’t snuffle. I merely enjoy the occasional sniffari.
Me: If you want to use any of the photos for your profile on Growlmates you’ll have to ask Kev to photoshop the mud out.
Nell: I don’t have a profile on Growlmates and I don’t want one either.
Me: If you say so.
Nell: I have no need of it. I’m quite happy leaving that kind of thing to Naughty Nigel and my friend Dorothy.
Me: Are you saying they’re an item?
Nell: I beg your pardon?
Me: Dorothy and Nigel? Have they liked each other’s profiles?
Nell: It’s none of your business.
Me: They’d make a great couple. Nigel is impossibly handsome and Dorothy has glorious red hair.
Nell: It’s not all about looks, you know. There has to be chemistry.
Me: Dorothy and Nigel. How exciting.
Nell: That’s quite enough. Stop jumping to conclusions. Just because Dorothy has agreed to take tea with Nigel at the Cottage Hotel this afternoon doesn’t mean anything.
Me: I knew it.
Nell: And no, we’re not going there to spy on them.
Me: I didn’t suggest that.
Nell: You were about to.
Me: Sorry.
