Nell: You’re not going to believe this.
Me: I just might.
Nell: Look.
Me: That’s a rather nice photo of Naughty Nigel. He’s such a handsome chap, isn’t he?
Nell: He’s lying on your bed.
Me: Yes. It must have been taken the last time he was visiting us.
Nell: He’s not allowed on your bed.
Me: Everyone else goes on my bed, so why not Nigel? Where did you find it?
Nell: If you must know, my friend Dorothy and I were browsing through profiles on Growlmates when we came across this photo of Naughty Nigel.
Me: Hang on a minute. You were doing what?
Nell: We were looking at the online dating site Growlmates and found a photo of Nigel lying on your bed.
Me: I can’t believe it.
Nell: I mean I knew Nigel was dating again because Dorothy saw him in Salcombe with a rather attractive Weimaraner but I didn’t expect to see him on Growlmates.
Me: Never mind Nigel. What were you doing on Growlmates? Isn’t it enough to have darling Knitwear Wolf and that wretched lion pursuing you?
Nell: What are you talking about?
Me: How can you even be considering online dating?
Nell: I’m not. My friend Dorothy is.
Me: Well, that’s a relief.
Nell: If I was looking for love, which I’m not, I would never go down the online dating route.
Me: Why not? It’s how I met Kev.
Nell: I prefer the more traditional ways, thank you very much.
Me: Fair enough. Is Dorothy interested in dating Nigel?
Nell: No, she is not. She knows far too much about him.
Me: I wonder if Knitwear Wolf is on there. He’s still single.
Nell: Rupert is not on Growlmates.
Me: How do you know?
Nell: I checked. Stop smiling.
Me: Sorry.
