Me: Why is Dave cross with you again?
Nell: Is he? I hadn’t noticed.
Me: He’s pushing your sofa away with two paws this time.
Nell: David is overreacting. Best to ignore him when he’s like this.
Me: Is it about the cushions? Only you seem to have taken most of them.
Nell: No, it’s not, and besides I’m a senior Labrador and need comfort.
Me: What’s wrong then?
Nell: If you must know I’m not allowing feathered hats in the living room.
Me: Why?
Nell: We have an open fire and David is extremely accident prone.
Me: He is a bit clumsy.
Nell: Exactly.
Me: Is there any reason why Dave wants to wear a feathered hat today, apart from the fact that Strictly is on later?
Nell: ‘Remember, remember the 5th of November.’
Me: Oh yes. It’s Guy Fawkes Day. That explains the sausages.
Nell: Yes. Sausages are allowed for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Me: A quick hot dog for lunch will be enough for me.
Nell: More for us then.
Me: This is a difficult day for a lot of animals, isn’t it?
Nell: Yes. I’m afraid fireworks are not our friends.
Me: Maybe that’s what has upset Dave?
Nell: Possibly, but I think he’s missing Sally.
Me: Poor darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.
Nell: And he can’t understand why Poppy has rejected John the Doberman.
Me: None of us can. Poppy is not herself at all.
Nell: It’s that honey you gave her. She’s been strange ever since she started eating it.
Me: I didn’t give her any honey.
Nell: We know it was you. It said ‘For Pops’ on the label and you’re the only one who calls her that.
Me: It wasn’t me.
Nell: Then who was it?
Me: I have no idea. Sorry.
