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Can we talk about my bed, please?

Me: Can we talk about my bed, please?

Nell: It’s dreadfully hot today, isn’t it?

Me: Very, but I wanted to talk to you about my bed.

Nell: It’s difficult to know what to do with oneself in heat like this.

Me: You’re doing that ‘not listening to me’ thing again.

Nell: One can really only lie in a cool room.

Me: Exactly, now today is bed changing day as you all well know.

Nell: I hope you’re resting that horrible eye of yours.

Me: I don’t want to talk about my bloodshot eye. It happens sometimes.

Nell: You shouldn’t have gone gallivanting off to Plymouth yesterday.

Me: I had to. I want to talk about you dogs getting into my clean bed.

Nell: I told you to stay at home. You’re supposed to rest.

Me: Harriet was just lying in the middle of the bed before I could get the cover on.

Nell: As I said to my friend Dorothy, ‘It’s a quiche and salad sort of day.’

Me: And then when I finally get the cover on I find Poppy is still in there.

Nell: With a little ice cream for dessert.

Me: I don’t know why you’re ignoring me.

Nell: People who don’t listen deserve to be ignored.

Me: That’s rich considering you’ve been ignoring me for the past hour.

Nell: I have not. We’ve been talking about the heat and you not resting that eye.

Me: Actually, we were talking about my bed.

Nell: I wasn’t.

Me: See, you heard me then. Where are you going?

Nell: To ask The Cat for an eye patch.

Me: Has Poppy turned piratey again?

Nell: No. You need to cover that eye. Poppy is quietly resting in your bed in case you hadn’t noticed.

Me: I give up. Sorry.

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