Me: You and Kev are completely besotted with each other.
Nell: Jealousy is a most unattractive trait.
Me: Look at the way you’re gazing into each other’s eyes.
Nell: We have an understanding.
Me: You never look at me like that.
Nell: Of course I don’t.
Me: Why not?
Nell: You need guidance not adoration.
Me: There you’ve admitted it. You adore Kev.
Nell: You know I do.
Me: I want to be adored, too.
Nell: You are. Just in a different way.
Me: I get hard stares and disapproving looks.
Nell: Here we go.
Me: And Kev gets soppy gazes. Thank goodness for Dave who openly adores me.
Nell: David adores everyone. He’s a loving animal.
Me: Harriet adores me too.
Nell: Are we going to go through everyone now? Only this is becoming rather tedious.
Me: Just saying.
Nell: You need a firm paw and you know it.
Me: I don’t.
Nell: You get easily carried away on flights of fancy and it’s my job to keep you grounded.
Me: Some people enjoy my flights of fancy.
Nell: I know but you mustn’t lose sight of reality.
Me: Have you ever wondered if fruit could talk what bananas would sound like?
Nell: This is exactly what I was talking about.
Me: I think they would have a sort of squishy sounding voice.
Nell: I give up.
Me: Apples would be crisply sweet and a little bit sharp on occasions.
Nell: Good grief.
Me: And lemons would sound slightly dangerous.
Nell: Oh dear.
Me: But not as dangerous as limes.
Nell: I worry about you sometimes, I really do.
Me: You don’t need to.
Nell: It’s my job to look after you.
Me: At least you care.
Nell: You know I do. You and me. Always.
Me: Yes. Sorry.