Nell: You’re not going to believe this.
Me: I just might.
Nell: My friend Dorothy was in Torquay yesterday.
Me: That’s not unbelievable. You told me she loves the English Riviera.
Nell: She adores it. Too many palm trees for me but each to their own.
Me: Whatever it is, Dave seems rather troubled.
Nell: What do you mean?
Me: He’s wearing his Extremely Focussed and Slightly Concerned Face which usually means we’re running out of bacon.
Nell: David is understandably concerned.
Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. What’s happened?
Nell: If I could get a word in edgeways I’d tell you.
Me: Go on.
Nell: So, Dorothy was passing the Princess Theatre.
Me: I performed there several times you know with the Torquay Operatic Society.
Nell: This is not about you, or your chequered past.
Me: I don’t have a chequered past.
Nell: May I continue?
Me: Of course.
Nell: Dorothy happened to glance inside and saw Jim the Farm Dog with Rita Pawreno.
Me: Rita Pawreno the dancing chihuahua?
Me: Married to Rocky Martin, Mutley’s Puerto Rican cousin?
Me: Well, they do live in Torquay.
Nell: I know but Dorothy says Jim looked worried.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: She even took a photo. Look.
Me: Has Harriet seen this?
Nell: Certainly not. She called Jim earlier but he was too busy to talk.
Me: You don’t think Jim is having a dalliance with Rita, do you?
Nell: A dalliance?
Me: A flirtation.
Nell: Yes, I know what it means. Good grief.
Me: I can see the headlines now. ‘Jim the Farm Dog carelessly abandons love of his life Harriet Martin for the glamour and glitz of the English Riviera and a dancing chihuahua.’
Nell: Calm down you’re getting carried away again.
Me: Yes. Sorry.