Me: You remember Widecombe in the Moor, don’t you?
Nell: Yes, we’ve been here several times with Chris and Alice.
Me: Shall I order tea?
Nell: Yes. I have a signal so I’ll check my messages.
Nell: You’re not going to believe this.
Me: I just might.
Nell: There’s a message from Sally and several from Rupert. About David.
Me: Is my darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy okay?
Nell: No. He’s signed a contract giving up friends and family to become the next James Bond.
Nell: Not intentionally.
Me: So, is he off filming somewhere?
Nell: No. He’s living in a ruined castle on a hill all alone with only bread and water.
Me: No bacon?
Nell: It’s all he’ll allow Rupert to bring him. And a soft duvet because it’s cold.
Me: How did this happen?
Nell: Two beautiful Maine Coons approached David right here in Widecombe saying they were talent scouts for Oliver Bone.
Me: The film director?
Nell: Exactly. They said David would make the perfect Bond.
Me: He would.
Nell: All he had to do was sign an NDA.
Me: A non-disclosure agreement?
Nell: Unfortunately this one said ‘No Dogs Allowed’.
Me: But Dave’s a dog?
Nell: No other dogs. David has been tricked into giving us all up. Including Sally.
Me: That’s dreadful.
Nell: Since then he’s been living in this ruin. Rupert is allowed to visit him once a day but he won’t see Sally or let any of us know.
Me: A slight overreaction?
Nell: I agree. Sally is distraught and Rupert has had enough.
Me: We have to do something.
Nell: We need to gather our troops, destroy the document and get David back. No dogs indeed.
Me: Can I finish my scone?
Me: Okay. Sorry.