Me: Merry Christmas, Nell.
Nell: I’m not sure how merry it is.
Me: We’re having rather an early start, aren’t we?
Nell: Yes, thanks to David.
Me: He didn’t know he would crash into the vegetable rack and wake everyone.
Nell: Who is frightened of vegetables?
Me: The rack is on wheels, Nell, and it spun around blocking his way and looking like it was about to attack him.
Nell: Don’t be ridiculous. He only had to push it to one side. There was absolutely no need to start shouting ‘Vegetables!’ like that.
Me: He was dreadfully scared. Poor darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. Potatoes were going everywhere.
Nell: It’s a ridiculous start to Christmas Day. What’s wrong with ‘Merry Christmas’ for goodness sake?
Me: Don’t be so conventional. Maybe shouting ‘Vegetables’ should be the new Christmas greeting?
Nell: Enough. Did you clear it all up before Poppy saw it?
Me: Almost. Malcolm, Manuel and I missed a carrot.
Nell: What did Poppy say?
Me: Something along the lines of ‘Why are the parsnips in with the potatoes and what’s a carrot doing under the kitchen table?’
Nell: I hope you gave a good reason.
Me: I said Olive the other Reindeer must have dropped it when she was here with Santa and Rudolph.
Nell: Did Poppy believe you?
Me: She gave me one of her hard stares and said, ‘Well, I hope Rudolph isn’t staying for lunch because I haven’t catered for more than one reindeer.’
Nell: I hope she’s catered for Santa. He will be hungry after yesterday.
Me: Santa and Rudolph weren’t really here, Nell. I made it up.
Nell: Made it up? What are you talking about? Of course they were here. How do you think all those presents got under the tree?
Me: Yes. Sorry.