Nell: What do you want now?
Me: I thought we could go through yesterday’s performance.
Nell: It’s Sunday morning. I’m resting.
Me: I can’t wait to hear what you think.
Nell: I don’t think Princess should be allowed on the judging panel. Who gives a 10 to everyone?
Me: She enjoyed it all.
Nell: As for that lion. Giving a 2 to Rupert and Myfanwy? You do realise that means they might be in the dance off?
Me: You only gave them a 4, Nell.
Nell: Myfanwy needs to work on her feet.
Me: What about Alejandro and Malcolm? Weren’t they a revelation?
Nell: You could say that.
Me: Riding around on the back of an alpaca on one leg can’t be easy.
Nell: It’s nothing to a flamingo. Look at Count Bingo on that trampoline.
Me: He certainly brought the house down. Gladys swinging upside down from a trapeze with a rose in her teeth was inspired.
Nell: It was not a traditional American Smooth. I had to mark it down.
Me: The other judges loved it.
Nell: Lionel King certainly favoured Stephen Seagull. Much as I admire Poppy’s choreography that was not worthy of an 8.
Me: It was wonderfully fierce though.
Nell: I was pleasantly surprised by David and Rhubarb. Their coats were beautifully smooth and the cowboy boots were a nice touch.
Me: So who’s at risk of being in the dance off tonight?
Nell: I’m afraid Dorothy was a little wooden and Susan is rather reserved but the public will decide.
Me: Kev was an amazing presenter with Henry and Horst on his shoulders like two sparkling epaulettes.
Nell: I couldn’t hear a word they said.
Me: I could hear vague rustling.
Nell: That was just David eating a bag of crisps.
Me: Oh. Sorry.