Nell: Would you mind wearing this hat while you stroke Harriet and Poppy, please?
Me: It’s very stripy and starry.
Nell: It’s American. Kev is wearing his.
Me: What’s going on?
Nell: I hope Babycakes Gillespie ordered doughnuts. Bagels aren’t going to be enough this week.
Nell: We have lots of ice cream but no jelly.
Me: I haven’t eaten jelly and ice cream since I was a child.
Nell: The jelly goes with peanut butter in a sandwich.
Me: You mean jam. The Americans call it jelly.
Nell: That makes more sense. Or does it? Have you ever eaten cornbread?
Me: I might have done. Why is Kev outside in a sparkly top hat stroking Dave and drinking coffee?
Nell: They’re in training.
Me: For what?
Nell: Strictly. The competition starts on Saturday.
Me: I don’t think sitting around having your fur stroked by Kev in a hat is training.
Nell: We couldn’t find any Americans. Babycakes Gillespie is doing his best and Rupert and Monty are involved as Canadians are North Americans.
Me: I thought I was supposed to be the crazy one.
Nell: I suppose Chris could help from Wednesday. I mean he is an honorary Canadian.
Me: Help with what?
Nell: The training. The dance this week is an American Smooth.
Me: Oh, I see. It all makes sense now. But you’ve got it wrong, Nell. Smooth doesn’t mean stroking, it’s a dance style.
Nell: I know. Smooth is a ballroom dance style that consists of four dances: the Waltz, Tango, Foxtrot and Viennese Waltz. It has tremendous freedom in artistry and choreography that allows the dancers to create their own unique look and style.
Me: Yes. Exactly.
Nell: And all animals competing need their fur smoothing, preferably by Americans.
Me: Of course. Sorry.