Me: Look at my Big Brave Beautiful Boy with his toy.
Nell: That’s not a toy. It’s a Precious Possession.
Me: It can still be a toy.
Nell: David is four. He must put aside childish things.
Me: Rubbish. He’ll always be a puppy to me.
Nell: Anyway, you’ll be pleased to hear that Rupert has spoken to Malcolm.
Me: About what? Wellington boots?
Nell: No. Shop bought scones. Why mention Wellington boots?
Me: Malcolm is going to need a pair if this rain doesn’t stop soon.
Nell: Do you want to know what happened?
Me: Yes. What did Malcolm say?
Nell: He did it to protect Poppy.
Me: What do you mean?
Nell: He doesn’t want Poppy’s scones ‘to be dragged into this awful mess.’ I quote.
Me: What mess?
Nell: I’m afraid Malcolm has been buying shellfish from the Beefies.
Me: What?
Nell: It started with a few prawns but now it has escalated to a whole lobster.
Me: That’s shocking. How did it happen?
Nell: It’s all to do with maintaining his flamingo pinkness, of course. You may have noticed he was looking a little pale recently.
Me: I did.
Nell: Malcolm isn’t a vain bird but he likes to look his best for Susan.
Me: But why did he go to the Beefies?
Nell: They caught him at a vulnerable moment. Prawnless and alone.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: And now they have him and they are threatening to tell Poppy if he doesn’t provide them with scones.
Me: The ruthless ruffians. What can he do?
Nell: Rupert says the only thing to do in cases like this is to come clean.
Me: I’m not sure a bath will help, although I know flamingos enjoy one.
Nell: No. Malcolm has to tell Poppy himself.
Me: Yes. Sorry.
