Me: Where’s Dave? I haven’t seen him since breakfast and he usually joins me upstairs for a cup of tea.
Nell; Outside birdwatching with Poppy, although she seems to be getting a little bored.
Me: I didn’t know they were twitchers.
Nell: Why would you say such a thing? Poppy and David don’t twitch. They can keep really still if they want to.
Me: No. I meant birdwatchers.
Nell: They are only temporary birdwatchers. Were you even listening at Morning Thoughts?
Me: Not really. I was thinking about Knitwear Wolf’s new cardigan. It really is a lovely shade of brown and it looks ever so soft. I wonder if we should get Kev one for his birthday.
Nell: Could we stop discussing Rupert’s wardrobe, please, and move on to the most pressing issue at paw?
Me: Yes, of course. Would you call the colour of his cardigan a conker brown?
Nell: No. Conker brown is a richer colour with a certain warmth about it. Rupert’s cardigan is more of a taupe.
Me: You’re right. It is.
Nell: Anyway, there has been a lot of suspicious bird activity reported across the country.
Me: Gosh. I wonder why.
Nell: We believe an alert has gone out after the arrest of Lionel King.
Me: Is he arrested though, Nell? Only the last time I saw him he was eating toast and marmalade with Beauregard.
Nell: Beauregard is on breakfast duty because David is busy with the birds. He managed to capture one of those hooligan birds stealing the small birds’ suet ball this morning.
Me: Did he capture it in a net?
Nell: What are you talking about? No, on his iBone. Sally is asking for all sightings of bad bird behaviour to be photographed and sent in. Do keep up.