Harriet is worried

Me: What’s happened? Harriet looks worried.

Nell: She is. Have you seen today’s Daily Growl?

Me: No. Not yet.

Nell: Rupert brought it straight in to us while we were having breakfast. It quite put me off my boiled egg and hot buttered toast.

Me: I expect Dave helped you finish it. He’s very good about things like that.

Nell: Not today he isn’t. Not after those headlines.

Me: What headlines?

Nell: ‘Innocent seagull squashed by giant black Labrador.’

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: It gets worse. ‘Mr Stephen Seagull, pictured here in happier times, is lodging an official complaint against agony uncle David Martin for Unprovoked Squashing.’

Me: He’s not an innocent seagull. Look at that dreadful smile. Anyone can see he is a baddy.

Nell: One would hope so.

Me: And it wasn’t unprovoked.

Nell: No.

Me: My darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy was just diffusing a difficult situation.

Nell: Yes. Well, Talking might have been better than Squashing but it is what it is.

Me: We have to retaliate.

Nell: Yes. One of the Daily Growl’s senior reporters is due any minute to record David’s side of the story.

Me: Where’s Dave now?

Nell: In hair and makeup. He needs to look his best.

Me: Who’s doing the make up then?

Nell: Gladys and The Cat. They are very experienced.

Me: They’re a bit glittery though, Nell.

Nell: They know it has to be understated. No sequins or wigs. Was that a car? The reporter isn’t due here for another hour.

Me: No. It’s PC Panda. And he looks serious. He’s holding a piece of paper. Maybe it’s a warrant for Dave’s arrest.

Nell: Would you please calm down and stop jumping to conclusions. Go and get some scones and let me deal with this.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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