Nell: I’m not talking to you.
Me: Oh come on, Nell. Don’t be like that.
Nell: You would think the threat of a court case against David would be enough to deal with.
Me: It is.
Nell: Whisking us away on the pretext of a walk.
Me: I never said you and Dave were going for a walk.
Nell: Luring us into the car with false smiles when in reality we’re being taken to see Emily the vet .
Me: Dave has itchy eyes and your arthritis has got worse.
Nell: I was lasered.
Me: I know.
Nell: My legs were stretched and then I was lasered.
Me: Yes, I know. Emily said you made your displeasure very clear.
Nell: If someone started stretching your legs you would complain.
Me: Yes, I probably would.
Nell: And where were you while all this was going on?
Me: Waiting outside. Kev and I aren’t allowed into the vets at the moment because of the virus.
Nell: You should have discussed it with me. David was traumatised.
Me: That isn’t true, Nell. Emily said Dave was an extremely good boy and had a lovely time.
Nell: They shone lights in his eyes.
Me: They had to. We needed to check his eyes were ok because he rubs them a lot.
Nell: David is trying to cope with the threat of a jail sentence. Isn’t that enough?
Me: PC Panda says an official complaint has been lodged and he is obliged to follow it up.
Nell: The seagull is lying. David needs a solicitor.
Me: Val Gilmour says she will represent him.
Nell: Val Gilmour? Is she one of the Gilmour Goldens? Those Retrievers are renowned in legal circles.
Me: No, but she’s awfully keen and she’s Dave’s biggest fan.
Nell: Good grief.