Nell: I’m not talking to you.

Me: Oh come on, Nell. Don’t be like that.

Nell: You would think the threat of a court case against David would be enough to deal with.

Me: It is.

Nell: Whisking us away on the pretext of a walk.

Me: I never said you and Dave were going for a walk.

Nell: Luring us into the car with false smiles when in reality we’re being taken to see Emily the vet .

Me: Dave has itchy eyes and your arthritis has got worse.

Nell: I was lasered.

Me: I know.

Nell: My legs were stretched and then I was lasered.

Me: Yes, I know. Emily said you made your displeasure very clear.

Nell: If someone started stretching your legs you would complain.

Me: Yes, I probably would.

Nell: And where were you while all this was going on?

Me: Waiting outside. Kev and I aren’t allowed into the vets at the moment because of the virus.

Nell: You should have discussed it with me. David was traumatised.

Me: That isn’t true, Nell. Emily said Dave was an extremely good boy and had a lovely time.

Nell: They shone lights in his eyes.

Me: They had to. We needed to check his eyes were ok because he rubs them a lot.

Nell: David is trying to cope with the threat of a jail sentence. Isn’t that enough?

Me: PC Panda says an official complaint has been lodged and he is obliged to follow it up.

Nell: The seagull is lying. David needs a solicitor.

Me: Val Gilmour says she will represent him.

Nell: Val Gilmour? Is she one of the Gilmour Goldens? Those Retrievers are renowned in legal circles.

Me: No, but she’s awfully keen and she’s Dave’s biggest fan.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: Sorry.

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