Nell: You are not going to believe this.
Me: I just might.
Nell: These Pirate Wars are getting completely out of paw.
Me: I think we’re all just having fun, Nell. We need to after the last few months.
Nell: Yes, well everyone is certainly joining in.
Me: I know. I saw PC Panda in a pirate’s hat having a quick scone with the larger animals.
Nell: He’s the least of our worries.
Me: What do you mean?
Nell: Zsa Zsa The Paw has a famous new gentleman friend. I met them when I was in town.
Me: She’s bound to have admirers.
Nell: He’s a little flamboyant to say the least.
Me: Surely not.
Nell: He makes The Cat look discreet.
Me: Hard to believe.
Nell: He blew me a kiss and called me ‘Fab-u-lous!’
Me: Well, you are.
Nell: I’m a mature lady Labrador.
Me: He sounds fun. I like him already.
Nell: Well, that’s fortunate because he’s invited himself to a pirate tea and he’s bringing his piano.
Me: How exciting.
Nell: I mean who does that?
Me: Does what?
Nell: Invites themselves to tea and brings a huge musical instrument with them? It’s presumptuous.
Me: Is he a cat?
Nell: Of course he’s not a cat. He’s an extremely famous dog.
Me: So he’s a celebrity?
Nell: Yes. His name is Laberace. You must have heard of him.
Me: Does he wear a high necked sparkling cloak and have dyed black hair?
Nell: Don’t be silly. He’s a curly haired Labradoodle.
Nell: He was wearing a feathered hat when I last saw him. What’s a high necked cloak anyway? That doesn’t even make sense.
Me: But he plays piano?
Nell: Yes. Rather well, actually.
Me: I can’t wait to meet him. Sorry.