Nell: It’s outrageous.

Me: What are you reading?

Nell: The Daily Growl.

Me: What does it say?

Nell: ‘National celebrity Stephen Seagull, pictured here with friends, delights viewers around the world with his clever antics.’

Me: Viewers around the world?

Nell: Utter nonsense. It was only BBC Devon. Stephen was caught on camera stealing crisps from a shop in Exmouth and now he thinks he’s a national celebrity.

Me: Or an international celebrity. I like his hat.

Nell: He isn’t even a real pirate.

Me: Well, he sort of is, Nell. In his own way.

Nell: At least it explains why the Beefies are wearing striped t-shirts and eye patches this morning.

Me: I did wonder. I see Romeo is wearing Dave’s old black wig again.

Nell: Who calls a seagull Romeo anyway? Ridiculous.

Me: I think it suits him and he’s tied his hair back today with a lovely ribbon.

Nell: I despair of you sometimes. I really do.

Me: I hope they aren’t going to force Benjamin to be a pirate.

Nell: Probably. What on earth are they doing now?

Me: Who?

Nell: The llamas. They’re sword fighting.

Me: Really?

Nell: In feathered hats. I’m not watching this nonsense.

Me: Let me see. How exciting. Gladys has just joined them with Alejandro and the larger animals.

Nell: The world has gone mad.

Me: You’re not going to believe this but Knitwear Wolf is in the middle of it all in a long coat waving a sword. He looks amazing.

Nell: Please tell me I can’t hear the Welsh corgi choir?

Me: Yes. They’re at the top of the hill.

Nell: Waving swords?

Me: No. Little cutlasses.

Nell: All we need now is the Whippets Institute.

Me: They’re just parking the minibus.

Nell: I give up.

Me: Sorry.

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