Weak Animal

Me: What on earth are Poppy and Dave doing with Tony?

Nell: Playing ‘Weak Animal’.

Me: ‘Weak Animal’? What’s that?

Nell: We play it with you all the time.

Me: No, you don’t. I’ve never played ‘Weak Animal’ in my life.

Nell: When we lie down and lift a weak paw have you ever talked in a baby voice and stroked our tummies?

Me: I’ve done that.

Nell: Exactly. Do keep up.

Me: But Tony is behind the gate.

Nell: Yes, that’s why Poppy was helping. She was encouraging David to stretch his leg as high as he could without leaving the ground.

Me: Why?

Nell: You can only win ‘Weak Animal’ if you are stroked from a lying down position.

Me: Did he manage it?

Nell: Yes. Tony stretched too. He’s a good player.

Me: Has anyone ever lost ‘Weak Animal’?

Nell: Insects don’t do well. Llamas are excellent at it, of course.

Me: How are the llamas, by the way?

Nell: Fully recovered. Back in pyjamas with no hats, or a trace of a Welsh accent.

Me: That’s a relief. What about Sidney?

Nell: He’s back to his usual friendly self again but decided to stay on the Isle of Wight.

Me: Why?

Nell: He was looking for a new client base anyway and he enjoys the quiet.

Me: What does he do? Web design?

Nell: Don’t be silly. Sidney is a psychotherapist.

Me: I’m not sure I would go and see a spider.

Nell: Of course you wouldn’t. You’re not a troubled arachnid.

Me: But what if he turns bad again?

Nell: He’s not going to. The Hunter is imprisoned. Stop fussing.

Me: Do cats play ‘Weak Animal’?

Nell: Yes. But under a different name.

Me: What is it?

Nell: ‘Come here, Slave.’

Me: Of course. Sorry.

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