Don’t rock the boat

Me: Are you able to talk?

Nell: Let me excuse myself for a moment.

Me: Ok. Can you talk now?

Nell: Yes. I’m not in London.

Me: We know.

Nell: Good, because I’m at Osborne House on the Isle of Wight. Lady Anwen told me The Queen was staying here.

Me: You know that isn’t true, don’t you?

Nell: Yes, I do. The wretched bacon has worn off completely now.

Me: Try not to worry. We were able to track you on Find My iBone and help is on its way.

Nell: How?

Me: Rupert set off this morning on his motorbike with Henry and Horst. The others are following by helicopter and boat.

Nell: I don’t think there has to be a land, sea and air rescue.

Me: There does when it’s you, Nell. Absolutely everybody wants to help rescue you.

Nell: How kind.

Me: Joyce is coordinating from Devon, Sally from London and No Good Boyo from Wales.

Nell: But I’m on the Isle of Wight. You don’t need the whole of the UK involved.

Me: I don’t think Scotland and Northern Ireland are involved.

Nell: They still think I’m drugged but I’m not sure I can keep it up for much longer. I don’t understand a word they’re saying when they speak Welsh.

Me: Rupert should arrive today. His cover is that is he’s trying to win Myfanwy back.

Nell: Clever.

Me: Once there, Henry will conceal himself with you and can report back to Horst who will stay with Rupert.

Nell: Thank goodness for Welsh speaking woodlice.

Me: Just don’t rock the boat as we need time to get to you and please wear a hat.

Nell: I’ll steer clear of boats but I refuse to wear a Welsh hat.

Me: You might have to. Sorry.

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