Nell: You are not going to believe this.
Me: I just might. Is it safe for you to talk?
Nell: Yes, Henry and I are in a car down at the beach. The chauffeur is a rather bad tempered boxer but he’s gone to fetch me an ice cream.
Me: Excellent. The plan was to get you to the beach as that increases our options.
Nell: Well, I hope none of them include riding away on an alpaca because I’ve just seen Gladys in a sombrero on the back of Alejandro.
Me: Good. Poppy must have landed. She flew up in the helicopter with the larger animals.
Nell: I thought Rupert’s choice of outfit was unusual but a hatted Pomeranian on an alpaca takes the biscuit.
Me: Distraction techniques. What is Rupert wearing then?
Nell: A kilt. Henry and Horst were in his sporran.
Me: So where is everyone now?
Nell: I’m fairly sure the Royal Owl Force just flew past and there are a group of flamingos in the lake that definitely weren’t there yesterday.
Me: That’ll be Count Bingo.
Nell: I guessed. There’s also some kind of suspicious looking pirate ship on the horizon captained by a large seal wearing a tiara with a penguin in the crow’s nest carrying a film camera.
Me: Good, but I meant the baddies. Where is Lady Anwen?
Nell: She is back at Osborne House. Rupert ate a bacon sandwich soon after he arrived and has been speaking Welsh ever since so she thought it would be safe for us to accompany Myfanwy to the beach.
Me: Oh no. Not bacon.
Nell: He didn’t really eat it. He put it in his sporran.
Me: But he’s speaking Welsh.
Nell: He’s copying Horst. All woodlice speak Welsh. Do keep up.
Me: Yes. Sorry.