Me: Dave looks slightly worried.

Nell: Yes. It was a difficult COBR meeting this morning.

Me: Gosh. I’m impressed. I didn’t know you and Dave were part of high level government decisions.

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: COBR. Cabinet Office Briefing Rooms. I suppose it was another zoom meeting.

Nell: It was in The Barn actually because we needed everyone to attend.

Me: Even the larger animals?

Nell: Especially the larger animals.

Me: I’m awfully surprised that Boris is including them.

Nell: It affects everyone you know. Apart from Malcolm and the non meat eaters of course.

Me: I don’t think vegetarians are exempt, Nell.

Nell: You’re not going to go all James Beddall on me and suggest vegetarian bacon is a true substitute are you?

Me: I never mentioned bacon.

Nell: And what’s Boris got to do with it? He doesn’t live here.

Me: I know. He lives at No 10 Downing Street.

Nell: Don’t be ridiculous. He’s a Basset Hound and lives in Bovey Tracey.

Me: I’m very confused now, Nell.

Nell: You’re not alone.

Me: But you said COBR?

Nell: Coordination Of Bacon Rations. After the bacon sandwich incident we felt it was necessary to put a few measures in place.

Me: I see.

Nell: Bacon needs to be a treat not a weapon in the claws of evil used to turn good animals to the dark side.

Me: The dark side?

Nell: Yes. We have reason to believe that the Beefies were behind the bacon sandwich incident when David dropped Henry.

Me: Those dastardly seagulls.

Nell: There’s more. All evidence is pointing towards The Hunter being a member of the Royal Household.

Me: Not The Queen?

Nell: Of course not. You could be sent to the Tower for even suggesting that.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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