Me: Dave looks slightly worried.
Nell: Yes. It was a difficult COBR meeting this morning.
Me: Gosh. I’m impressed. I didn’t know you and Dave were part of high level government decisions.
Nell: What are you talking about?
Me: COBR. Cabinet Office Briefing Rooms. I suppose it was another zoom meeting.
Nell: It was in The Barn actually because we needed everyone to attend.
Me: Even the larger animals?
Nell: Especially the larger animals.
Me: I’m awfully surprised that Boris is including them.
Nell: It affects everyone you know. Apart from Malcolm and the non meat eaters of course.
Me: I don’t think vegetarians are exempt, Nell.
Nell: You’re not going to go all James Beddall on me and suggest vegetarian bacon is a true substitute are you?
Me: I never mentioned bacon.
Nell: And what’s Boris got to do with it? He doesn’t live here.
Me: I know. He lives at No 10 Downing Street.
Nell: Don’t be ridiculous. He’s a Basset Hound and lives in Bovey Tracey.
Me: I’m very confused now, Nell.
Nell: You’re not alone.
Me: But you said COBR?
Nell: Coordination Of Bacon Rations. After the bacon sandwich incident we felt it was necessary to put a few measures in place.
Me: I see.
Nell: Bacon needs to be a treat not a weapon in the claws of evil used to turn good animals to the dark side.
Me: The dark side?
Nell: Yes. We have reason to believe that the Beefies were behind the bacon sandwich incident when David dropped Henry.
Me: Those dastardly seagulls.
Nell: There’s more. All evidence is pointing towards The Hunter being a member of the Royal Household.
Me: Not The Queen?
Nell: Of course not. You could be sent to the Tower for even suggesting that.
Me: Yes. Sorry.