Beefies and Bacon

Me: What are you and Harriet doing?

Nell: We’re searching for bacon and Beefies.

Me: Bacon? You can’t be hungry again, Nell. You had poached eggs on toast for breakfast. Aren’t Beefies usually in the sky?

Nell: Not these undercover ones. They hide in the long grass trying to turn good animals bad.

Me: With bacon sandwiches?

Nell: Not always. It depends on the targeted animal.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: They would turn Princess with mackerel, and Malcolm with prawns.

Me: And PC Amanda Panda with scones?

Nell: A lot of people would turn for scones, to be fair. Only Poppy’s, though, obviously.

Me: What about me?

Nell: You’d do anything for a Magnum.

Me: I love ice cream. What happens then?

Nell: They say ‘dim ond anifeiliaid drwg sy’n cael cig moch.’

Me: What does that mean?

Nell: ‘Only bad animals get bacon.’

Me: That’s not true.

Nell: Then they hold the bacon out and say ‘wyt ti’n anifail drwg?’ Which means ‘Are you a bad animal?’

Me: Does anyone ever agree?

Nell: A lot of them do. It’s the combination of Welsh and bacon.

Me: Did you know that the Welsh for jellyfish is ‘Psygod Wibli Wobli which literally translates as ‘wibbly wobbly fish’?

Nell: Nonsense. The Welsh word for jellyfish is ‘pysgod mor.

Me: Oh.

Nell: Anyway, stop distracting me. Harriet and I are determined to find one of those undercover Beefies.

Me: It sounds risky to me.

Nell: There is an element of risk but the poached eggs will help.

Me: Are you going to throw one then?

Nell: No, as you pointed out, our tummies are full.

Me: Labradors’ tummies are never full, Nell. You might need to ask Poppy to do this.

Nell: Harriet and I are perfectly capable.

Me: Ok. Sorry.

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