The Lycra Line

Me: I love the way the puppies snuggle into each other.

Nell: Yes.

Me: I’ve been thinking about all the people who are in fear for their loved ones.

Nell: Yes, this is a difficult time. We sent special love and strength to Nicole Lindsay and her mum in Morning Thoughts today.

Me: Good. She must be so worried.

Nell: You’re struggling a little today, aren’t you?

Me: Yes, I am.

Nell: Everyone has days like that. It’s okay not to be okay.

Me: Yes. You’re right.

Nell: But I’m afraid I can’t chat now as we have things to do.

Me: Do we?

Nell: How do you feel about Lycra?

Me: I avoid it whenever possible.

Nell: Gladys and The Cat are launching a Lycra Line in conjunction with the ‘Glide with Gladys’ show.

Me: Well, count me out.

Nell: I already did. They want to cover all shapes and sizes, however. Henry and Horst will be modelling the Perfectly Petite version.

Me: Excuse me? Did you just say modelling?

Nell: And Monty has kindly volunteered to model the Wonderfully Large version.

Me: Don’t you mean XXXL?

Nell: Certainly not. Where is the Body Positive in that?

Me: I don’t think I’ve ever seen a moose in Lycra, let alone a woodlouse. Are there other sizes?

Nell: Yes. We also have Sensationally Small, Somewhere Inbetween, Marvellously Medium, Nearly Large and Definitely Large.

Me: How do you know where Somewhere Inbetween goes?

Nell: Oh you do, believe me. Ask any corgi.

Me: Where is the modelling taking place?

Nell: Here of course. Our Penguin is filming it. All models will maintain social distance.

Me: Life goes on, doesn’t it?

Nell: It has to. We will get through this you know. As long as we do it together.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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