Nell: Little Ollie is looking decidedly guilty.
Me: He’s not so little anymore.
Nell: What has he done?
Me: I don’t know, but Tony says he is a proper scallywag.
Nell: Dear, oh dear. Talking of scallywags. You know Malcolm says he isn’t sorry.
Me: Really? That’s not like him at all.
Nell: Susan told him she is going to stay at her parents if he continues with this bad behaviour.
Me: What happened?
Nell: I can hardly bear to tell you.
Me: You’ve got to now, or I will imagine the worst.
Nell: He made me a Builder’s tea with milk and sugar.
Me: Not Earl Grey?
Nell: No. In a mug, not a cup, with a digestive biscuit on the side, not shortbread.
Me: That’s shocking.
Nell: I know. And it gets worse.
Me: Surely not.
Nell: He served shop bought scones for tea. Not Poppy’s. With no cream, or jam.
Me: We never have shop bought scones.
Nell: Poppy had to go for a lie down.
Me: I don’t blame her.
Nell: David tried to reason with him but he just laughed and told him to go back to the barn with his pet llama.
Me: Hang on. We don’t have a llama.
Nell: He was talking about Alejandro and he knows how sensitive he is about alpacas being mistaken for llamas.
Me: What are we going to do?
Nell: David has contacted Count Bingo Flamingo and he is flying over.
Me: I hope he can help.
Nell: And to add insult to injury that wretched penguin filmed it all.
Me: Oh no.
Nell: And now it’s on You Chewed for everyone to see.
Me: What channel? Do the penguins have their own?
Nell: I don’t know. That’s not the point.
Me: No. Of course not. Sorry.