Saturday Scallywags

Nell: Little Ollie is looking decidedly guilty.

Me: He’s not so little anymore.

Nell: What has he done?

Me: I don’t know, but Tony says he is a proper scallywag.

Nell: Dear, oh dear. Talking of scallywags. You know Malcolm says he isn’t sorry.

Me: Really? That’s not like him at all.

Nell: Susan told him she is going to stay at her parents if he continues with this bad behaviour.

Me: What happened?

Nell: I can hardly bear to tell you.

Me: You’ve got to now, or I will imagine the worst.

Nell: He made me a Builder’s tea with milk and sugar.

Me: Not Earl Grey?

Nell: No. In a mug, not a cup, with a digestive biscuit on the side, not shortbread.

Me: That’s shocking.

Nell: I know. And it gets worse.

Me: Surely not.

Nell: He served shop bought scones for tea. Not Poppy’s. With no cream, or jam.

Me: We never have shop bought scones.

Nell: Poppy had to go for a lie down.

Me: I don’t blame her.

Nell: David tried to reason with him but he just laughed and told him to go back to the barn with his pet llama.

Me: Hang on. We don’t have a llama.

Nell: He was talking about Alejandro and he knows how sensitive he is about alpacas being mistaken for llamas.

Me: What are we going to do?

Nell: David has contacted Count Bingo Flamingo and he is flying over.

Me: I hope he can help.

Nell: And to add insult to injury that wretched penguin filmed it all.

Me: Oh no.

Nell: And now it’s on You Chewed for everyone to see.

Me: What channel? Do the penguins have their own?

Nell: I don’t know. That’s not the point.

Me: No. Of course not. Sorry.

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