Malcolm is not himself

Nell: We have come to the decision that Malcolm is not himself.

Me: I could have told you that.

Nell: Fortunately both Jonathan and Faye have agreed to help us in our investigations.

Me: I’m very pleased to hear that.

Nell: I saw Harriet whispering to them during Morning Thoughts, although it could have been to Henry and Horst, of course. Those boys are so good at concealment I am never quite sure where they are.

Me: David seemed to be taking a keen interest in Jonathan’s breakfast.

Nell: He says the amount of vegetables and fruit Jonathan eats is quite worrying but a few more bacon sandwiches might help.

Me: Did I see Poppy talking to Faye?

Nell: Yes. She was telling her about Malcolm’s latest bad behaviour.

Me: What has he done now?

Nell: He threw a wet mackerel at the Welsh corgi choir during Sunday Singing.

Me: No? That’s Beefy behaviour.

Nell: Quite. And Joyce is fairly sure she heard him talking in Swedish to the filming penguin.

Me: They were probably discussing meatballs.

Nell: I know Malcolm is not himself but I don’t think he has reached the stage of discussing meatballs with a penguin yet.

Me: But everyone loves the Swedish ones.

Nell: Have you seen Knitwear Wolf? He’s late with the newspapers.

Me: No.

Nell: It’s this awful rain. It plays havoc with his cardigans.

Me: What time is Count Bingo arriving?

Nell: Any minute now. He had an early meeting with Owl Pacino and the Royal Owl Force.

Me: Why?

Nell: A precautionary measure. If the bad behaviour spreads we will need to move fast. As I always say: ‘A rolling bone gathers no moss.’

Me: Don’t you mean stone? Why would you roll a bone?

Nell: Why wouldn’t you?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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