Nell: Harriet says there are no bacon sandwiches this morning.
Me: That’s right.
Nell: It’s Saturday.
Me: I know.
Nell: Saturday is Treat Day.
Me: You’ve just invented that, Nell.
Nell: Have you seen Harriet’s face?
Me: She looks a little incredulous.
Nell: She can’t believe it.
Me: That’s what I just said.
Nell: I blame the vet.
Me: Harsh but understandable.
Nell: She said Harriet was ‘portly’.
Me: She never used the word ‘portly’. She just suggested Harriet might have overindulged at Christmas.
Nell: Everyone overindulges at Christmas.
Nell: Personally, I think the vet needs to learn some manners.
Me: She was perfectly polite, Nell.
Nell: Imagine if the first thing we did to visitors was put them on the scales.
Me: I’d rather not, thank you.
Nell: There would be an outcry.
Me: The vet is just doing her job.
Nell: Well, Poppy is going on Monday. She is not going to stand for being called ‘portly’. I can tell you that.
Me: Nobody said ‘portly’.
Nell: Why is it that we girls are on strict diets and David, who is capable of eating a whole pie by mistake, is called Magnificent?
Me: There is more of David I suppose.
Nell: The large beasts don’t get weighed.
Me: No, they don’t.
Nell: Neither do Henry and Horst. And Horst is twice as big as Henry.
Me: Yes, he is.
Nell: Nobody asks Malcolm to get on the scales.
Nell: Or any of our feathered friends. Owl Pacino has definitely put on weight recently even though he insists it’s just his winter feathers.
Me: To be fair it probably is.
Nell: Well, I have my winter coat at the moment. But was that taken into account? No, it was not.
Me: You are right. Sorry.