Have you seen Harriet’s face?

Nell: Harriet says there are no bacon sandwiches this morning.

Me: That’s right.

Nell: It’s Saturday.

Me: I know.

Nell: Saturday is Treat Day.

Me: You’ve just invented that, Nell.

Nell: Have you seen Harriet’s face?

Me: She looks a little incredulous.

Nell: She can’t believe it.

Me: That’s what I just said.

Nell: I blame the vet.

Me: Harsh but understandable.

Nell: She said Harriet was ‘portly’.

Me: She never used the word ‘portly’. She just suggested Harriet might have overindulged at Christmas.

Nell: Everyone overindulges at Christmas.

Me: True.

Nell: Personally, I think the vet needs to learn some manners.

Me: She was perfectly polite, Nell.

Nell: Imagine if the first thing we did to visitors was put them on the scales.

Me: I’d rather not, thank you.

Nell: There would be an outcry.

Me: The vet is just doing her job.

Nell: Well, Poppy is going on Monday. She is not going to stand for being called ‘portly’. I can tell you that.

Me: Nobody said ‘portly’.

Nell: Why is it that we girls are on strict diets and David, who is capable of eating a whole pie by mistake, is called Magnificent?

Me: There is more of David I suppose.

Nell: The large beasts don’t get weighed.

Me: No, they don’t.

Nell: Neither do Henry and Horst. And Horst is twice as big as Henry.

Me: Yes, he is.

Nell: Nobody asks Malcolm to get on the scales.

Me: No.

Nell: Or any of our feathered friends. Owl Pacino has definitely put on weight recently even though he insists it’s just his winter feathers.

Me: To be fair it probably is.

Nell: Well, I have my winter coat at the moment. But was that taken into account? No, it was not.

Me: You are right. Sorry.

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